How can we maintain a good relationship when we are in contact with friends? One word: respect. With friends, don't be too close or too far away. Why? "If you are near, you will be inferior, and if you are far away, you will complain." Too close and disrespectful; If you are far away, you complain. This is human nature.
In the past, Confucius said, "Only women and villains are difficult to support", which has been controversial and controversial. Later, I found that Confucius' exclamation was reasonable. So, why did he put women and villains together? The reason is not that women are villains, but that women are emotional, and once they have emotions, they are easy to get too close. Once too close, it is easy to have a desire for control. This is a woman's nature. Of course, so do men, only a little less. Because men want to control the world and women want to control men.
In life, women and women can easily become best friends. However, girlfriends stink easily. Therefore, there is a saying on the internet that fire prevention and thief prevention prevent girlfriends. Several readers I know, whose husbands are cheating, are basically because of girlfriends. Therefore, in interpersonal communication, it is most taboo to tell some privacy to others, especially to your girlfriends. When you tell your best friend your privacy, it is equivalent to taking off your clothes, and slowly your best friend will become the destroyer of your life. Therefore, having a best friend is sometimes good and sometimes not. The good news is that you can vent some emotions; The bad news is that many girlfriends end up being enemies. Why? Too close, too close.
friends in life, some people are mean people. What is the difference between a villain and an adult? Adults have great aspirations. The villain is private, and the adult is public. Therefore, when people communicate with each other, don't get too close, and always give priority to respect. Respect is an attitude of keeping a moderate distance.
be respectful to everything. In the past, everywhere we went, if we did something, we would pray for the ground. Praying for the earth means that you should fear nature wherever you go. The ancestors thought that there was a master of the earth everywhere, and we called him the earth master. Westerners should worship God once a year. When they don't respect God, things are easy to go wrong at home, so they generally respect God.
to what god? There are all kinds of gods, such as kitchen god, earth god, door god, cow god, horse god and so on. When we worship the door god, it is said that all kinds of crooked ways and ghosts can't enter the door. The land god is a god that must be respected. This kind of offering sacrifices to gods constitutes a reverence for nature. Therefore, wherever we go, we don't despise nature or cut down trees casually. Why not cut down trees indiscriminately? Westerners believe that trees also belong to the body of nature.
among friends, a friendship between gentlemen is as light as water. "Light as water" means, don't be too thick, don't be too greasy, don't be too close, and respect each other for a long time. This is a bit like China's foreign policy, the five basic principles of mutual non-aggression, non-interference in each other's internal affairs and peace. If you don't pay attention to the moderate distance, when you are close to the extreme, people will inevitably alienate.
In general, don't tell your friends about your family, unless for educational purposes, then you can talk about it. People who are good at making relationships have a good relationship with friends all their lives. Those who are not good at relationships are very greasy when they are good, but then they stink. Misfortune usually begins with the people closest to you. If you meet a villain and someone who makes trouble, then your disaster is inevitable. Why? He knows all about you. Therefore, people should keep their distance and respect first. Even if you are an enemy, respect him. Of course, when your realm and wisdom reach a certain height, there will be no enemies in your heart.
When paying homage, you should also choose the object, pay attention to the etiquette and don't overdo it. For example, in the era of Confucius, many people thought Zang Wenzhong was a wise man, but Confucius didn't think so. What was the reason? "Zang Wenzhong lives in Cai, and the mountains are full of algae, so how can he know it!" It means that Zang Wenzhong actually offered a chinemys reevesii with the ritual of offering sacrifices to God. Note that this is a kind of stupidity.
It is also a kind of stupidity to offer someone as stupid as chinemys reevesii as a god. In life, we often see that some very stupid people, either wearing cassock or cassock, or playing tricks, are offered as gods, which is very funny. Once, somewhere in Beijing, there were groups of Rinpoche, surrounded by people and offered as gods, and there were farce after farce. Think about it, where are there so many Rinpoche? Look at Rinpoche, what do you want to see? First of all, see if he has wisdom. If there is wisdom, where is his wisdom? He wants something from outside. Master Zong Kaba, for example, has such works as The Broadest Theory of Bodhi Daoism, The Brief Theory of Bodhi Daoism and Fifty Odes to Shi Shi, which bear his wisdom. If a stupid Rinpoche performs a few tricks, then you will confess that he is a great wise man, which is not necessarily true. He may also be a liar.
Although a big turtle has a long life, it may be able to settle down in the water, but it is a big turtle. So respect, if you choose badly, you will become a fool. In the future, we should not only look at what a person shows internally, but also look at what he shows externally. Of course, both the internal evidence and the external evidence need intelligent insight.
there are three levels of respect: first, general respect; Second, respect from outside; Third, respect for faith.
general respect is also the respect for communication between friends. You need a moderate distance, but don't lie. When a friend asks some questions, don't say what you shouldn't say, smile, but don't lie and don't deal with it. Give priority to honesty. Don't talk about content that is too intimate and too private. When you know too much, it is also the most dangerous time It means that knowing what you shouldn't know may lead to suspicion and disaster. In history, we must pay attention to many cases of being silenced because we know what we shouldn't know.
respect for others is respect for some virtuous people. For example, Confucius' respect for Chen Wenzi found that he had a good personality and moral character, and there was something that people yearned for and recognized. But this kind of respect is not knowing the "Tao", that is, the respect of the unknown road.
Respect for faith is great respect, that is, respect for life, that is, putting one's body and meaning-body, including one's life; Language, including their own language expression; Meaning, including all consciousness-devotion to a certain belief. Even with this respect, there is still a sense of distance. In other words, you still have to keep a certain distance from the object of your belief. Once the distance disappears, the respect will disappear. Therefore, I said in "The Heart of King Kong Without Death" that there is no sage in the waiter's eyes. Sages are like the sun. If you hide in the shadow, you won't get warm. If you get too close, you may get sunburned.
distance makes beauty. Whether women or men, when dealing with them, they should be moderate and measured. Women, in particular, can't "be inferior if you are near, and complain if you are far away."
once, I attended a pen meeting with a friend. During this period, the writer shared some of his life experiences with us and said a lot of sincere words, which won the admiration and touch of all the female writers present. However, I don't think so in my heart. Why? Because he is so sincere. About a week later, I asked him, since the last time you shared it with us, what attitude have those female writers taken towards you? He said that they never spoke to me again. Why? Because when it's too real, it scares the other person.
in the past, I was the same. When you meet someone, you always give them a sincere heart. As a result, they are easily frightened. According to my wife, I will tell my friends how to get out of my mother's stomach. As a result, those friends I treated completely sincerely later left me. Therefore, a poet friend once warned me, Xuemo, your soul is boiling. Don't go near others, you will burn them. Is he right? That's right. Because friends, like crops, need sunshine, but if they get too much sun, crops will hardly survive.
Therefore, sincerity needs someone who is sincere, and don't be too sincere to anyone. Sometimes, you say something private that belongs to you too sincerely, but many people are not interested. For example, that year, after my brother died, I was in great pain. I told everyone about the pain of losing my brother, but later I found out that they didn't care about your pain. Some people will say, this kind of thing, not you alone, everyone will meet. Slowly, I will stop talking and keep silent.
In Chekhov's short story "Distress", Yao Na, a coachman, lost his son. He was in great pain and wanted to talk to others about his son to relieve some of his inner pain. But many people were dragged along the way, and no one was willing to listen to him. He didn't even want to listen. In the end, he could only tell his horse about his inner distress.
I have advised myself countless times not to show my sincerity to everyone, but I am sincere as always. Although sincerity has also brought me a lot of harm, this "problem" can never be changed. Now that we know Confucius' way of making friends, we should combine honesty with respect, which will make our interpersonal relationship more harmonious, harmonious and stable.
—— Written on July 8th, 221 at Xuemo Academy in Wuwei.