Does being single make you anxious?

Yes, I usually feel good working alone outside, but every time when a holiday approaches (especially the National Day holiday, which is a hot wedding period that happens several times a year), I look at a person in my circle of friends. With one wedding invitation after another, I easily fall into sudden anxiety.

This not only made me start thinking, although many times, I think it is good to be single, but why do I still feel anxious about being single? After some investigation and thinking, I summarized the following process of unmarried people coping with the pressure of marriage, hoping to help anxious partners clarify their thoughts.

1. Stress sources for unmarried people Stress sources faced by unmarried people

gt; Parents. Some parents will force their children to go on blind dates. The biggest source of pressure for many unmarried people is their parents. One interviewee once said: "It was 2012, when I was 23 years old. I felt the pressure to consider getting married for the first time because my mother forced me to start a blind date."

gt; Social expectations. In our society, the social expectation is that "men should marry when they are older, and girls should marry when they are older". It is believed that people should get married and have children at a certain age. In addition, words such as "older unmarried" and "leftover women" also stimulate the nerves of unmarried people.

gt; Filial piety culture. When discussing marriage has been considered a major life event involving the continuation of the family, being unmarried puts unmarried people under the pressure of being "unfilial". One interviewee said, "My father believes that it is very important to be filial as a child, and one of the ways to achieve filial piety is to get married and have children." Sources of stress faced by parents of unmarried people

gt; Death anxiety. One visitor said: "My father was full of fear of death after he had a heart attack one year, especially after my mother was diagnosed with diabetes. They were often so anxious that they could not sleep because they were worried that I would not be able to get married."

gt; face. "Face" is an unavoidable word in Chinese cultural psychology and social psychology. Unmarried children will cause "face trouble" for parents. One interviewee said, "My mother broke down after attending other people's weddings and began to force me to get married, saying that if I didn't get married, I wouldn't be able to hold my head up in front of others." The issue of face also made the interviewer feel unspeakable. sense of shame.

gt; Responsibility. Several interviewees mentioned that "influenced by traditional Chinese culture, parents will feel that it is natural to get married and have children at a certain age, and this is not only a personal responsibility, but also the responsibility of the entire family and society. ."

2. The inner pain of the unmarried

gt; self-doubt. Faced with the problem of being unmarried, unmarried people are also under pressure and very anxious. On the other hand, they will be struggling, why do I feel like this? Shouldn’t I, as a modern woman, be able to arrange my own life independently? They constantly doubt themselves.

gt; Whether you are filial. Some unmarried people hate the term "filial piety" in a certain part, but they also want to be a "filial" child deep in their hearts. However, this may also conflict with the pursuit of a free and responsible life.

gt;Death anxiety. Many people are afraid of loneliness, and unmarried people also have fear and anxiety about dying alone. In addition, unmarried people are also afraid of missing the best period of childbearing. Although many people have no desire for marriage, many still desire children, perhaps because children also symbolize the continuation of life in this world.

gt; Not recognized. Not recognized by society, not recognized by friends and colleagues (especially married friends and colleagues), not recognized by parents, and sometimes even not recognized by myself. This lack of recognition also tortures unmarried people all the time.

gt; Guilt. One interviewee had never thought about getting married before, but the regret of not seeing her get married before his grandfather passed away made the interviewee feel very guilty and regretful for not fulfilling his grandfather's only wish during his lifetime.

gt;Shame. The shame of being unmarried is something that many unmarried people dare not admit, but it tortures the hearts of unmarried people.

3. Coping strategies

gt; quarrel. Many clients will have this experience, quarreling with their parents because of being forced into marriage, and the anger mixed with shame makes people sad and angry. In addition, parents may also emotionally kidnap their children, such as "I worked hard to raise you, and now I just hope someone can take care of you." This is also a soft quarrel.

gt;Escape. Some people's coping method is to reduce the opportunities to meet their parents, such as not daring to go home during the New Year. One interviewee also said, "Whenever the topic of marriage comes up, I stay silent and try not to communicate with my parents."

gt; Communicate. Some interviewees will choose communication methods. One interviewee once wrote a letter to her parents. She wrote, "I understand your anxiety, but I am also under a lot of pressure. I feel that I have never reached your expectations." It feels so sad to look forward to it. I really tried my best. In fact, I just hope that everyone will be healthy and live well every day." She also received a reply from her parents: "Baby, you misunderstood. You have always exceeded our expectations. I understand you very much! You must take good care of yourself. "This is a better way to deal with it.

gt; Submissive. Some interviewees will choose to be obedient, such as going on a blind date obediently, or when faced with what their parents say about getting married, they always respond with "yes, yes" or "okay, okay." "This kind of obedience made my parents less anxious and gave them something to talk about with me."

gt; Choose friends. "Those who want to talk to me about marriage and children, I don't make friends with them. I only deal with like-minded people. Through this classification, the friends around me will not bring pressure to "get married" to unmarried people. people. This is also a way to make your life easier.

gt; Receive psychological treatment. The pressure faced by unmarried people is very painful, and there will be times when they cannot handle it. At this time, seeking psychological help is a very good choice.