In The Analects of Confucius, Confucius said: "A gentleman who is not heavy is not powerful, and learning is not solid. Lord faithfulness. He who has no friends is worse than himself. If you pass, don't be afraid to change. " Confucius put forward the first principle of making friends here: don't make friends with people who are not as good as yourself. Because it is useless to make friends with people who are not as good as yourself. The so-called friends can either help themselves to cultivate benevolence and advance morality, or give them knowledge and solve doubts, so Confucius believes that we must make friends with people who are better than ourselves. In this way, we can meet the sage Si Qi, choose the good and follow, and "have a proper way and be honest", so as to gain lessons continuously. Confucius once said in the Analects of Confucius, "A threesome must learn from my teacher, choose the good one and follow it, and change the bad one." In addition, in The Analects of Confucius Wei Linggong, Confucius also advocated "doing one's duty as a teacher". In "The Analects of Confucius for Politics", Confucius said: "Reviewing the past and learning the new can be a teacher". In the Analects of Confucius, Confucius said, "Why doesn't the master learn?" And why do you often have a teacher? " It can be seen that what Confucius didn't associate with mainly refers to the villains who lacked benevolence, morality and despicable personality, that is, the friends he made were not the "fair-weather friends" and "friends of loyalty in rivers and lakes" as the world called them, but the noble "moral friends".

2. Observe courtesy and follow righteousness

Confucius believes that "courtesy" and "righteousness" must be the principles in friends' communication. Confucius believes that "courtesy" is the external expression and norm of "benevolence", which is different from the chivalrous loyalty advocated by Mohism. Confucius believes that if a person wants to be a benevolent gentleman, he must obey the norms of etiquette and act according to "righteousness". Therefore, he believes that the way to be a friend should also follow the etiquette. The record of Yan Yuan's funeral in The Analects of Confucius is the best embodiment of Confucius' view. Yan Yuan was a student admired by Confucius, and his early death made Confucius deeply grieved. In The Analects of Confucius Advanced, Confucius said, "Alas! The day is lost! The sky is lost! " It means: "alas! God really wants to kill me! God really wants my life! " However, when Yan Lu asked Confucius to sell his car to run an embassy for Yan Yuan, Confucius said, "Every man has his own talent, and every man has his own opinions. Carps die, too, with coffins and no coffins. I don't just think about it, so I can't just do it after I am a doctor. " It means: "(Although Yan Yuan and Carp) one is talented and the other is not, but they are both his own sons. When Kong Li died, there was no coffin. I didn't sell my car to buy it for him, because I am still following the doctor and can't walk. " However, the master did not listen to dissuasion, and gave Yan Yuan a heavy burial in violation of the ceremony. Confucius was very angry about this and lamented: "If you return, you should also treat your father as a Jew, but you should not treat your son as a Jew. It's not me, it's my husband's second and third sons! " Confucius said, "Yan Hui treats me like a father, but I can't treat him like my own son. It's not my fault. Those students did it!" In The Analects of Confucius Xian Wen, Confucius also criticized his old friend's rude behavior: "Young without grandchildren, long without words, old without death, is a thief" and beat his shin with a stick. Confucius scolded him and said, "When you were young, you didn't care about filial piety. When you grow up, you have nothing to say. When you are old, you don't die. It's really a pest. When you say it, you knock his calf with your hand." In The Analects of Confucius, Wei Linggong, Confucius said: "A gentleman's righteousness is quality, courtesy is deeds, sun is deeds, and faith is success. What a gentleman!" Confucius said: "A gentleman is a gentleman who takes righteousness as the foundation, carries it out with courtesy, expresses it with humble language and completes it with loyal attitude.".

3. The Doctrine of the Mean

Confucius' doctrine of the mean is also reflected in the concept of making friends. The so-called golden mean is to do everything without deviating from the track and adhere to the idea of reconciliation and compromise. Simply put, it is a "centrist". In the Analects of Confucius Zi Lu, Confucius said: "If you can't go to the Bank of China, you will be crazy.". Crazy people make progress, while stubborn people do something wrong. " "Madness" and "stubbornness" here are two opposite qualities. First, it is rash, enterprising, and aggressive; One is to retreat and dare not act. Bank of China is not biased towards madness or loyalty. Here Confucius said, "I can't find anyone who pursues the golden mean to associate with him, so I can only associate with crazy people and stubborn people." Crazy people dare to do things, while stubborn people refuse to do some things. " Confucius used this saying to tell us that we should make friends with people who are in line with the doctrine of the mean as much as possible. However, this understanding is too idealistic, and social reality requires us to make friends with both radicals and mediators, and not to take sides. The opposing sides should contain each other and complement each other, which is in line with the doctrine of the mean. In the process of getting along with friends, as long as we adhere to the golden mean, friends can live in peace and harmony, and we will reach the ideological realm of doing what we are, not being complacent, not complaining about the sky and not being rude to others.

4. There are three friends who benefit and three friends who lose.

The so-called "three friends who benefit" means that friends are straightforward, friends forgive and friends hear more. Being friendly refers to a friend who is honest, sincere and frank. This kind of friend can give you courage when you are timid and hesitant, and can also give you a decisive decision when you hesitate. Forgiveness means that friends know how to forgive, understand and tolerate, and such friends give us a sense of pleasure. Friends know more, and such friends are well informed, which in today's words means wide knowledge. His indirect experience can be transformed into your direct experience. When you feel hesitant and difficult to decide on some issues, perhaps his extensive knowledge can help you make a choice. The so-called "three friends who lose" means that friends are easy, friendly and soft, and friends are easy. Friends make friends, which refers to people who like flattery and flattery. This kind of person is especially good at reading words and deeds, have it both ways. Be careful to understand your feelings, so as not to go against your wishes. "Friends make friends" and "friends are straight" are just the opposite. Such people have no honesty and no principle of right and wrong. Their principle is to make you happy in order to benefit from it. Friendly and soft, is a typical "two-faced", in front of you, they will always be pleasant, full of spring breeze, compliment you, flatter you, that is, Confucius said "clever words and colors." But behind his back, he will spread rumors and maliciously slander "friends are good", which means people who exaggerate and talk a lot, that is, people say "people who just talk." This kind of person has a glib tongue. There is nothing he doesn't know, and there is nothing he doesn't understand. When he talks, he is eloquent and imposing, and people can't help but believe him. Confucius has always been "slow in words and quick in deeds", and people who talk big can't get good comments from him.