Source | Girls' School

After school that day, my daughter asked me with red eyes, "Mom, can you give me 50 yuan?"

My daughter said that the deskmate would copy her paper during the final exam and said, "I won't play with you unless you give me 50 yuan."

I am both distressed and angry.

I'm not making a mountain out of a molehill, but this deskmate is really "poisonous".

In the first week of school, she laughed at her daughter's fatness and nicknamed her "Fat Pig".

My daughter occasionally does not raise her hand to speak, but also laughs at her for being "timid", or that she is "stupid, not that simple!"

The practical jokes between these children seem insignificant, but I am furious when I see my daughter crying every time and even becoming more silent.

What makes me even more distressed is that my daughter is worried that she won't play with her deskmate in the future, and she says with trepidation, "Why don't you give her 50 yuan first tomorrow ..."

I said with a sigh:

Drug friends,

Destroy a child's sunny and healthy heart

The child's mind is immature, and meeting a "poisonous friend" is tantamount to a disaster.

On the internet, I saw a mother vomit: it is obviously sad that her daughter was bullied by her little friends, and she has to please each other.

I often give my friends snacks that I can't bear to eat, and I also give her new toys when I haven't played for a few days.

It is because this little friend often uses "I will never play with you again if you are not good" to deal with her daughter, which makes her very sad every time.

What is even more exasperating is that after the two made up, this little friend said to her daughter, "I forgive you."

So the daughter was grateful for her "generosity" and didn't realize that she was not wrong at all.

In order to play together, we tolerate each other's rudeness. Our children seem spineless, but they are actually poisoned by "drug friends".

Dr. Irene Leonard, an American psychologist, pointed out that the most dangerous thing about "drug friends" is that there are always ways to make people feel inferior, anxious and uncomfortable, thus eroding a person's self-awareness and damaging his mental health.

Sandra, an actress, once suffered from depression. In severe cases, she is short of breath, her legs are weak and she can't see. She needs to take medicine all the time, which is related to the "toxic friendship" she met when she was a student.

In middle school, she was a little fat, and a girl often came to satirize her.

The letter she wrote was read by the girls in the class in public, regardless of her privacy.

Sometimes, she secretly puts dishcloth water, chalk dust and mop water in the drinks she drinks.

This experience has made her worry that she can't make friends and dare not trust others easily.

Children's world is small, but their troubles are not small.

Even if a drug friend doesn't do anything amazing, even if he just plays some pranks, it is enough to destroy the child's heart.

Poison friends and raise bad children.

According to a survey, quite a few teenagers commit crimes because of careless friends.

In the movie Better Days, Xu Miao looks clever and obedient. No one expected that she was an accomplice to bullying and indirectly killed her classmates.

She often hangs out with "bad girls" like Wei Lai and Luo Ting to form a trio to help bully the weak.

Obviously reluctant to part with classmates, but if you don't be an accomplice, you will be bullied by Wei Lai, a so-called "friend". In order to stabilize this "friendship", she can only go with the flow.

At the end of the film, she was punished and almost expelled from the college entrance examination. Her parents were so anxious that they knelt down to the teacher and begged her to continue her study.

There is still a chance to make up for the mistakes you made when you were young, but if you don't learn how to make friends and meet people, you will inevitably go astray when you grow up.

Rudolph Schaefer, a British child psychologist, said:

With the growth of age, children gradually leave home, and friends will greatly affect his behavior and personality.

"Not getting along well with people is like entering an abalone house, but you can't smell it for a long time." The behavior habits of drug friends have a subtle influence on children, from bad behavior to imprisonment.

Poison friends and endanger children's lives.

There is a girl named Xiaolan (a pseudonym) in Hangzhou who dreams of being admitted to Communication University. She could have been admitted after the college entrance examination, but she didn't.

She didn't know until she called the admissions office that someone used her account to log in to the volunteer filling system and tampered with her volunteers. The tamper is her good friend Xiao Ke (a pseudonym).

Asked about motivation, Xiaoke said:

Her kindness made her friend notorious in Sun Shan for ten years.

Such "kindness" is frightening to think about!

Poisoning a friend is far better than poisoning a cruel stranger.

Although the latter is dangerous, it can arouse people's vigilance. The former is doing "harm" in the name of "friends", which makes people hard to prevent.

Educate children to stay away from toxic friends,

The most important thing is to teach children to learn to "know people"

Maybe some parents will say: since drug friends are so harmful, why not let children play with them?

However, children may not listen to adults, especially girls. They play together and don't want to give up easily even if they are bullied by "drug friends"

Instead of forcing children not to play with "bad children", it is better to guide children to learn to distinguish friendship and protect themselves.

Shan Li, a girl in the movie Our World, is often unhappy. When her mother asked out of curiosity, her father said disapprovingly, "What happened to the child?" ? Isn't it just going to school, reading books and playing with classmates ... "

He didn't find the scar on his daughter's face at all, which was caused by his poisonous friend Paula instigating the fight.

I don't know what my daughter has paid to win Paula's favor: doing her duty, knitting bracelets for her, giving her small gifts … whatever she wants.

What can be exchanged is Paula's ridicule, deception and ridicule.

Although children are simple, they don't know how to restrain their malice and are more likely to hurt others.

Dr. Irene Leonard summed up some typical characteristics of "toxic friendship", which can help us better understand children's social situation:

If parents find that their children have the above social situations, they should intervene in time to help them get rid of the whirlpool of toxic friendship as soon as possible.

Children have limited experience and have no ability to distinguish between true and false friendship. Parents should also let their children know that "uncomfortable relationships are all wrong."

When the child is young, you can tell him some short stories about making friends on an equal footing.

Let children understand in the story that their dignity, property, body and so on are inviolable, even friends can't.

When children reach puberty, parents' nagging and interference will be useless. At this time, just give them some kind reminders.

Professor Li Meijin delivered a speech:

First, point out some bad behaviors of the child, such as: "He calls names, do you know?"

Tell the child again: "you can be good friends, but some things should not be influenced by him!" You can find ways to influence him and make him a good person like you. "

Only by guiding the child in a way that he feels comfortable can he accept his parents' advice.

Many children don't know how to refuse, and even if they are hurt, they are unwilling to give up their drug friends. Therefore, parents should also let their children know what true friendship is like.

The external network made a comparative analysis chart to teach children to distinguish eight differences between "true friendship" and "poisonous friendship".

1. True friends congratulate you on your success, while poisonous friends envy you.

A true friend knows that you need private time, but a poisonous friend wants you to be available at any time.

A true friend will keep your secret, but a poisonous friend will disclose your privacy.

4. True friends care about you, but poisonous friends attack you.

True friends like to exchange ideas with you, while poisonous friends just want to beat you up.

6. True friends will contact you when they miss you, and drug friends will contact you when they need anything.

7. A true friend accepts you, but a poisonous friend wants to control you and make you listen to him.

8. True friends respect you and cherish your friendship, while poisonous friends can easily lose their temper with you.

It is important for children to understand that a healthy friendship is comfortable, and both sides have equal status and can promote and benefit each other, instead of being sad and uneasy.

Sometimes, children would rather be wronged by themselves than play with "drug friends" At this time, parents will understand why.

Zhu Chaoyang, who is hiding in the corner, is clever, but he is withdrawn and has no friends. His mother also asked him to "focus on learning" and thought that "making friends is something that people will do when they enter the society".

Lonely, he was particularly eager for friendship, so when two "bad boys" Yan Liang and Pu Pu broke into his world, he accepted it gladly.

"Drug friends" often attract children, such as daring to fight, having rich social experience, or having something that children lack but desire.

Detect the child's psychological demands in time and fill the loopholes in his needs, and "drug friends" will lose their appeal to him.

Xie Juezai, the founder of China's judicial system, pointed out in The Truth of Making Friends:

Make friends with good people and get help from friends, and you will become better; Make friends with bad people, be eroded by friends, and you will become bad.

So we need to know "selective crossing"; Make "good friends" instead of "bad friends".

The same is true of children's principles of making friends. Guiding children to "make good friends" and "not make bad friends" is a lifelong education for children.

Professor Li Meijin said: When children make friends, I suggest you be a snobbish mother.

What's wrong with snobbery as long as it's for the good of children?

A poisonous friend harms others for a lifetime, but a good friend benefits a child for a lifetime.

Who a child plays with determines what kind of person he will become.