Be tolerant when making friends, don't haggle over the behavior of friends, relax and obey each other. Some things, you can turn a blind eye, there is no need to be too clear, too concerned. Don't ask each other's secrets; Don't expose each other's defects; If the other person occasionally does something wrong and hurts you, pretend that you don't know and don't care, and try to tolerate your friends.
"There is no fish in clear water, and there is no disciple in people's view." Everyone has defects, everyone is not perfect, and so is your friend. Therefore, when dealing with friends, the most important thing is to tolerate his shortcomings and treat friends with a tolerant attitude. If you see everything clearly and calculate everything clearly, it will be difficult for you to make real friends.
Open your eyes to see the world clearly and be alert to the world, which is a kind of due vigilance, better survival in society and better grasp the opportunity of competition. Closing your eyes is a sign of trust, which means tolerance and compromise. This means that you need to pretend to be confused sometimes. Of course, this confusion is not a complete indulgence and neglect, but a heartfelt tolerance. Although you don't say it, although there is no external action performance, you must be like a mirror.
When making friends, many people often think that two people should trust and understand each other, so they must understand each other. So they always like to pry into each other's secrets, always want to thoroughly understand each other's personality, background, ability, social status and other information, and also like to tell each other secrets. They believe that only by being completely frank and fully open to each other are friends worthy of deep friendship. But in fact, everyone has their own secret space. We don't need to be too clear about this. Friends also need a buffer zone, which is helpful to promote the development of feelings.
In fact, it is not good to explain everything clearly. Psychologists have found that interpersonal communication is a process of mutual understanding and mutual exploration. It is precisely because of the need for exploration and mystery that communication can last and our charm will last. If you understand everything clearly and thoroughly, in fact, the aesthetic concept will decline, and you will subconsciously ask the other person to do better and subconsciously make the other person a perfect person, but no one in this world is perfect. Therefore, it is best to leave room and space, and it is best to accommodate the unknown and flawed existence of the other party, which is often very helpful for the continuation of friendship.
Tolerance is very important in interpersonal communication. Many people are principled in doing things for others, but those who are too principled are honest and transparent, but they often don't know how to be flexible and lack flexible communication means. In the end, it is likely to be squeezed out of the social circle because of too much adherence to principles. Therefore, when making friends, you should make concessions, adjust some principled issues, and turn a blind eye to things with principles and personality conflicts, which is actually more conducive to your survival in society.
When it comes to Kaifengfu, many people first think of Bao Zheng, an honest official in the Song Dynasty. In fact, Bao Zheng has almost become synonymous with Kaifengfu. However, in the history of Kaifeng Prefecture, there was actually a very famous official, namely Ouyang Xiu, a great writer, and Bao Zheng was the former magistrate of Ouyang Xiu. Bao Zheng was a very capable minister at that time, impartial and fearless of power, so many corrupt officials and powerful people were afraid of him. To a certain extent, the appearance of Bao Zheng really played a role in deterring corrupt officials. However, Bao Zheng's strict law enforcement offended many authorities, who often reported to the emperor. The emperor also thought that Bao Zheng did occasionally go too far, even a little arrogant, so he made an excuse to dismiss Bao Zheng.
After Bao Zheng was exempted, Ouyang Xiu took office. In view of the experience of the former magistrate, Ouyang Xiu began to pay more attention to the handling of interpersonal relationships. He felt that he should handle the matter of Kaifengfu well, so the most important thing is to contact others and handle the relationship between all parties, so as to manage it better. Because of this, Ouyang Xiu is more reasonable and flexible in handling cases. On the one hand, he will severely punish those officials who take bribes and bend the law, and will also formulate various rules and regulations and laws and regulations; On the other hand, he pays more attention to guidance and education. Some people have committed crimes. Instead of strictly following laws and regulations, they have made appropriate tolerance and given each other some opportunities to correct them.
It is precisely because of the implementation of this leniency policy that Kaifeng House was well managed by him, which was not only loved by the people, but also recognized and supported by most officials. It can be said that under the governance of Ouyang Xiu, the environment of Kaifeng House at that time was still relatively harmonious. As a result, he made many official friends. On the one hand, everyone admires his honesty and integrity; on the other hand, they are grateful to him. It can be said that when he was an official in Kaifeng, it was always smooth sailing.
In fact, the later generations spoke highly of Ouyang Xiu's leniency and simplicity, and thought that this was the truly effective governance method, which undoubtedly showed Ouyang Xiu's unique personal charm and great wisdom in dealing with people. Therefore, a man should learn from Ouyang Xiu and his way of doing things. On the one hand, he should have his own opinions and principles and know how to correct his attitude. But at the same time, we should also know how to be tolerant and flexible, know how to play dumb in front of personnel, and know how to be sophisticated. There is no need to pay too much attention to some things and make them too clear. Hold your horses and try to turn a blind eye, and then you will naturally find your way around.