Chapter 1

The sky is a blanket, the earth is a blanket, the sun, moon and stars accompany me to sleep.

Who casts the net of fame and fortune, wealth and poverty are extraordinary.

There are also horse riding and sedan chair, there are also carts with loaders,

horse riding and sedan chair The blessing that comes from repair is the destiny of a child carrying a burden in a cart.

The horse supports the foolish man. The beautiful woman often sleeps with his humble wife (husband).

In front of the door of the eighty old man Station, a three-year-old child is in trouble.

It’s not because God doesn’t open his eyes, but good and evil come to an end in this cycle of retribution!

There are no coats for both of them. If you say one, you will make people laugh if you say too much. A lot of people came, tens of thousands of people upstairs and downstairs, including several people named Wan.

Today, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, the day after tomorrow... these four days, Deyun Club's stand-up comedy special. Why do you say single? First, stand-up comedy is one of the more important forms of cross-talk. Nowadays, there is no place to listen to long-form stand-up comedy. We have the obligation to dig out and organize it. First, secondly, many friends especially love to listen to stand-up comedy. I've been chatting with you, but I don't want to hear you talk about cross talk. What the hell are you talking about? You're too polite. What are you listening to? I like to listen to your orders, but in fact we are thinking about the audience; thirdly, to save some money on backstage, the three of us managed this scene.

Ah, it was Cao Yunjin just now, my apprentice. He was talking about Liaozhai. This chapter is called "Rouge". He can't finish it today. He will have to talk about it tomorrow. Someone said that he can't come, so It's okay, you are busy with your business, leave today and keep the money for tomorrow's tickets to make friends. If you want to say that neither people nor money will come, this is inappropriate, inappropriate, and your conscience will be condemned!

The long stand-up comedy I am talking about is called "Pictures of Good and Evil". This is the big name of this show. Its scientific name is "Pictures of Good and Evil", and its nickname is "Shuntianfu San". "Twenty-Two Lives in a Case Series".

How spectacular, twenty-two people died in my mouth. Why is it called the Picture of Good and Evil? Actually, it’s more about human nature. Human beings are nothing more than two words, good and evil, but of all things in the world, it is the most difficult to grasp these two words, and it is not easy for a human being.

You think about it, being a human being is the most difficult thing in the world. Being a fairy is very happy. You don't have to go to work or live a normal life. You don't have to start a family or buy a car. You can go wherever you want. When you go out, think about how much monthly passes you can save by becoming a fairy. It's a joy to be a human being. So what is the difference between humans and gods? Man, as long as you put your heart in the moment, you will be very happy, but the difficulty is that people's hearts are not right. It looks like we are talking about cross talk. Guo Degang took out his heart and gave it to the ladies. Come and eat. He cursed after eating. Guo Degang had two minds. How else could he give me one to eat? Well, dealing with people is not easy. But not everyone can become a god. You may think that everyone can be a god, ringing here and ringing there. That's impossible. If you don't want to be a ghost, being a ghost is actually very happy and saves electricity, right? There is no one to check the electricity meter in the underworld. It is always so dark. You can go anywhere if you want to be a ghost, and you can even scare people if you have nothing to do. Find a dark nook, beat people there, and ghosts will come out, mooer~~~. This old voice ran away, and the ghost was also very excited. It was so exciting.

The most difficult thing is to be a human being. I have been particularly touched by this in recent years. Really, tell me what kind of person you are. Being a poor person will cost you your life. The food is not as good as anyone else's. They have delicacies from the mountains and seas in their house. Here, here is a handful of radish tassels. It's not as good as that rabbit's concubine. The clothes are not as good as others. Ah to be poor.

Being a rich person is not that easy. Being rich, oh, being rich is even worse. The child is afraid of being lost, and the wife is afraid of being stolen. Let the dog eat the delicious food first, and then eat it when the dog is done with it. Rich man.

Become an official. It’s better to be an official. What kind of official do you want to be? As a small official, no one is afraid of you. Just care about the three toilets, who's afraid of you? Just hold on, it's easy to hold on until you become a high-ranking official. Is it, you say, to be a worker, go to work or factory, and when you are laid off, you can recruit workers, and I will go wherever workers are recruited. When we go to recruit workers, you will be sent to a small coal mine in Shanxi.

Just drive a taxi. You'll be so tired after a long day that you'll give up all the money you have to the company. Take a car, take a taxi, I left my cell phone on it, start a fight with him, but he won’t give me any, bang~ he will be driven away, the police will come and take him away and detain him for 15 days.

Why do you want to go? If you want to be more open-minded, I won’t do anything but go out to play or travel. It’s SARS. When I saw an opportunity to cause SARS, I borrowed 100,000 yuan to buy a cart of vegetables and brought them to Beijing to sell. When I brought them to Beijing, SARS was under control. The cart of vegetables was all rotten and fell on the edge of the Second Ring Road. The city management officials came and fined me 5,000 yuan. How to do this, watch a movie, relax, chase stars, admire celebrities, like Leslie Cheung, and jump off the building again. Watching TV, super girls, super boys, this is great. I also learn from it, and I also follow the competition. Life must be meaningful. Just as he was about to participate in the competition, the Radio, Film and Television Bureau ordered that he not be allowed to enter the draft.

You have to live, exercise well and have a good body. If you think you are too fat, lose weight. I just drank the hidden secret for two days and was not allowed to sell it.

What to do? ah? ha. What to do. Are you going to talk about cross talk? Talk about cross talk. If you say something bad, the audience will criticize you. If you say something well, your colleagues will criticize you. If you become famous easily, a bunch of people will sue you. You see. Life is so difficult. You know, if you don’t do it for yourself or others, you will be infected with AIDS again if you donate blood.

If I could tell you only eight words in life: Do good deeds and don’t ask about your future!

This is my confession as a cross talk actor. Tell the truth. The reason why I am hated is because I love telling the truth so much. What I say is different from others. My colleagues all talk about how happy people are all over the world. I don't have that high level. But I very much hope that people in the world can live and work in peace and contentment and that everyone is happy.

Our story today is actually quite tragic to tell. Twenty-two lives were lost, but many of them brought it upon themselves. When did the story start? When it comes to Shuntian Mansion, you will know that it is not now. There is no such establishment and no name of Shuntian Mansion. The story of the Qing Dynasty, at the end of the Qing Dynasty, during the Daoguang period, the story took place in Beijing on the seventh day of the eleventh month. How accurate. If you go home, check the calendar. During the Daoguang period of the Qing Dynasty, it was November in Beijing. The weather was very cold. And it also snowed that day. Oops, it’s snowing heavily.

The auspicious snow flutters like goose feathers

The flying catkins are all over Qiong Yao

But then I see

The cold moon and sparse stars are flying and singing birds

The crow waiting to be fed shakes its wings

Passengers lose their way on Yangguan Road

Pulsatilla crosses the small bridge in search of plum blossoms in the snow

Mountain and river scenery

Look up

Float away

Dang and shake

The clouds cross the rugged road in Qinling Mountains

Whitewash the old thatch in Nanyang

There seems to be a jade dragon making noise in the sky

Looking back

The wine flag is flying in Xinghua Village

Swaying up and down in the wind

It is snowing heavily, and the city of Beijing is covered in snow. Not far from here is Yongdingmen. There is a small courtyard in Yongdingmen by the roadside. The door opened. According to the clock, the current time was five o'clock in the afternoon. As soon as the door opened, a man came out. He was about thirty-five or sixty-six years old. The clothes he wore showed that this man was very rich. This man's surname was Yuan, and his name was Yuan De. Man, his virtue and mine are different. I have moral virtue, but he has gained it. Yuan Deman, a businessman, there is a big restaurant in Beijing called Xinghualou, and he is the owner there. Hey, it has three floors, upstairs and downstairs. It was booming business, very good. But this business was not his originally. He had a younger brother named Yuan Dejiang. Yuan Dejiang's business was doing very well. The brothers went out to load goods and went to the Northeast. They left for a year and did not come back. I don't know where this person has gone. The current term is "evaporated from the world" and can't be found. He said that he had to live his life and do business. As the eldest brother of the shopkeeper, Yuan Deman, I have to take care of this. No matter whether my brother comes back or not, I have to keep an eye on it for him, so I took over the restaurant. This man is very smart, smarter than his younger brother. He fucked his younger brother. The business is doing very well. My brother is doing a good job. He has brains and is doing business.

Think about it, for example, they sell hot-boiled mutton. After cutting the meat, they ask the chef to come to the door of the restaurant and line up many tables. In the past, the mutton was not as good as Nowadays, there seems to be a machine for cutting mutton slices. Everything used to be cut by hand. The mutton was frozen the day before. I brought it over, held it down with a rag and cut it with a knife. Five or six chefs stood at the door and clicked. Everything, let the common people live their lives, good! The chef is good at his craftsmanship, techniques, knife skills, and meat. This is an invisible advertisement. Moreover, he made the leftover tendons from the shabu-shabu pork and steamed the big buns to make dumplings. Why, the three floors above are for rich people, but the bottom is still half underground, which is just a cart and a load. Some poor people who work come here to eat and are given a lot of food. The common people praise them when they go out after eating. , it’s really good, the food is delicious, and every summer, when Xinghualou is repairing the stove, the restaurant repairs the stove in June every off-season, and they stop for two months. When the stove is being repaired, and before the stove is repaired, he The food there is doubled. If you ask for half a catty of meat slices, he will give you eight taels. The buns are big and the dumplings are big. They are all good. The more they eat, the better they get. So we go out. This place closes every two months, so you have to think of that place before you go to eat there. So as soon as it opened, all the people came back, and the business was like this. Yuan Deman is smart and has made this restaurant very good.

Not only did he take over the restaurant, but later on, his brothers and their wives also took over. "You're not a problem, right? I guess my brother has been out here for so long. I have to love you. I'm your eldest brother-in-law. If I don't take care of you, who will take care of you?" "Okay." After a while, the two of them hooked up together. Yuan Deman also advised her that this is the right thing to do. When the Qing Dynasty was founded, the Empress Dowager Xiaozhuang married her brother-in-law Prince Regent Dor for the sake of the country and Shunzhi to be able to ascend the throne

Gun, it took three hundred years for the Qing Dynasty to be established. It means the same thing to say that you followed me today. My brother-in-law and his wife were very touched. I didn’t expect that my relationship with my eldest brother-in-law would have such great political significance. At first, the two of them were sneaking around, covering things up in secret, but later, they just followed each other's will. Guys, who dares to say anything else? Who would ask you this while eating? These two people are just like a couple, and they are treated as husband and wife.

Today, Yuan Deman came out of his home and took a look at Tian'er outside. Well, he asked Wang Er, the driver at home, to harness the mule cart for me. I want to go out to meet the guests and harness the cart. In those days, there were no cars or anything like that. Rich people often rode in sedan chairs. Of course, the rank of the sedan chair depended on your status. It was different when you became an official. How many people did the color of the sedan used for a high-ranking official or a small official? There are regulations for carrying, and there are also wedding sedans and white sedans. The wedding sedan is the sedan used during the wedding. Once the bride is married, she will be carried in this sedan with red flowers. It shows that sitting in the wedding sedan means that the matchmaker is getting married, and she must sit in the sedan.

The Empress Dowager Cixi and the Empress Tongzhi were at odds and started fighting. Many people were afraid that the Empress Dowager Cixi would depose the Empress Tongzhi. The queen of Tongzhi said it was impossible. I was brought in from the Qing Gate in a sedan chair, and I was getting married by a matchmaker. Because Cixi is not, Cixi is a concubine. The queen said this with confidence. I was carried in from the Qingmen Gate in a sedan. Later, it was said that Yu Qian's daughter-in-law learned this cross talk. Our neighbors were next to each other, and when the couple would fight, the wife would scold each other. I came here by bus 937 from the West Bianmen side. What the hell, that's what I mean, sit in the sedan chair. This is marriage.

There are also funerals. When someone dies in the family, there are also sedans and white sedans. What is the purpose of the white sedan? It is for the female family members to ride in the white sedan when going to the cemetery. However, there are regulations in Beijing that only married women can ride in the white sedan. It is said that a girl must sit in a white sedan when she is sent to the funeral. A net made of black silk thread is added to the white sedan to indicate that the person sitting in the sedan is a girl. After the ceremony, there is a blue sedan, which is called the "Hun" sedan. Inside is the deceased's memorial tablet, which is placed on the head of the coffin. This is the main means of transportation. In addition to sedans, there are cars. In the past, there were donkey carts, ox carts, horse carriages, and mule carts.

Donkeys were the main means of transportation in Beijing at first. I kept donkeys at home and rode them when I went out. Later, they were no longer used in the inner city. They were not used in the inner city but were still used in the outer city, including from Jiaodaokou to where you want to go. Where to go? If this is needed from Chaoyang Gate to everywhere, usually there will be donkeys and donkey carts in the outer city. Mule carts. In the past, mules were widely used in Beijing. The mule carts in Beijing were called Beijing carts. There were no mule carts on the other side of the Yangtze River. The ones in Beijing were the best. There are three people driving a mule cart, one on this side of the cart, one on this side, and one person and three people in front of the cart. The mules have reins but they cannot be used. There is a rope tied under the mule's neck. Hold on to the rope to move up. Lift, let the mule hold its head up, and three people can drive it. Reins are usually white or blue, but some people use purple ones because they are of high status. Princes and ministers, but at that time it was also a reward from the emperor, so you could use the purple reins. Inside the car, let’s watch this TV show. Is there this? There is this semicircular thing on the car, with windows for people to sit in. It’s a mule cart.

This mule cart can be used by yourself, rented from outside, or has a station entrance. The station entrance is just like a bus. Let’s just say that this bus is waiting at Zhushikou every day. There are big seats, there are big seats, there are big seats. Get on the bus and go. Pull a cart, this is a mule cart. Some people have it at home. There is also this goat cart, which is pulled by little goats. It is used for playing at home. If the family has money, they can make a small cart with two goats in the head and pull the children and put it at the door to play. This is it. Bullock cart, used to say curse words in Beijing. Getting on a bullock cart is not a good word. In the past, there was this nursery in Beijing, a nursery for education, a nursery for babies, a nursery, which is like a charity now. Where is this place? No one cares about the child who was born. The baby, he cares about the dead body. A square hole was dug in the wall at the entrance of the nursery, and someone came to hold the child. There is a bell and a stick here. When the child is sent in, someone inside will take the child in without speaking to each other. Every day, at five o'clock in the morning, the ox cart comes out. There is a square box on the cart, and there is a hole in the back for children. The four words are called Ru Di Ci Xing. Generally speaking, most children are illegitimate, and they are born in such a shameful way. Choked to death, strangled to death and thrown away, they picked it up. Those who can still be saved will be saved, and those who cannot be saved will be buried. In the past, Beijing City used to scold you on the streets and said, "Get on the bullock cart." This is not a good word. These are the main means of transportation. Also, it’s raining heavily, and the streets are full of water. People are carrying people, and people are carrying people. It’s hard to get through here. If you carry it here, you can carry it with me. Follow me here to Xisanqi. Grandson, please come down. It’s too far. If you carry it here and there, you can save your shoes from getting wet. Let's talk about how much it costs here. If you carry it on your back, you can't let your shoes get wet. Some of them were very happy to carry it, oh, it’s so safe, I’ll reward you more in a while. Boom, throw it into the water, that's it.