When people get along with each other, the most important thing should be these three words: a sense of boundaries.

Wu Zhihong mentioned in "Why Family Hurts People": A weak sense of boundaries is the reason why many emotions become sharp weapons for hurting people.

Boundary sense is a way of respecting others. No matter how close the relationship between two people is, you must find out clearly the other person's bottom line, and you must also have your own bottom line.

Writer Zhou Guoping once said: "All interactions have a final limit that cannot be crossed, and all troubles and conflicts come from wanting to break through this limit."

In life, a person People with clear boundaries are often more respected by others.

The main thing I want to emphasize today is that you must have your own bottom line.

Have you ever seen such a person?

When dealing with others, some people always subconsciously adopt an attitude of trying to please others. In fact, there are quite a few such people.

This kind of performance can be said to have its roots.

From childhood to adulthood, we have always been educated in this way: we should be humble when dealing with others, be merciful and forgiving, sometimes it is better to do less than to do more, endure the calm for a while, and retreat. One step will open up the sea and the sky, and other such thoughts.

The result of this is that if the control is not good, if the personal aura is weaker, it can easily become a kind of flattery.

Sometimes, this kind of flattering is not even intentional. It is in the process of getting along with each other that the infinite concessions slowly break through one's own bottom line, creating a feeling of "you are easy to bully". illusion.

One of the worst traits of human beings is to pick on the weak.

This kind of bad nature is a subconscious reaction engraved in the bones. When we measure a person, we use the other person's appearance, behavior, language and other factors to comprehensively evaluate his "combat ability" in our hearts. .

Let’s take the simplest analogy.

When you walk on the street, even if you ask for directions, you may carefully choose someone who looks kinder and has less aggressive power to ask.

Naturally, this measured emotion will also be brought to life.

Some people say that the most important thing when people get along is each other's value.

Actually, not really. When we make friends, except for the deliberate choices of a small number of people, when most people make friends, the value attribute is not strong at the beginning, and they will not even pay attention to their value at all. After all, most people in life are still ordinary people. They don't have such a strong purpose in making friends. What matters is that they get along well.

However, when most people first get to know each other, they will form their first impression based on the person's sense of boundaries, and will gradually form an inherent impression with subsequent development. .

I have a high school classmate. She is the kind of person who is particularly easy to get along with. You can tell it right away because she likes to laugh when she meets a stranger for the first time.

When meeting strangers, smiling slightly is a way of expressing your friendliness.

But if this kind of smile is too excessive, every time you look at someone, every time you meet, you will show an almost flattering and over-the-top laugh, which is enough to leave people with "you" "Easy to talk to".

Once this feeling arises, others will start to test it with actions.

After graduating from college, a classmate went to work. When she first came back, she was often filled with indignation because she said that when they were two interns at the same time, everyone was used to leaving things to her.

Many things are not her business at all, and others do it for her. From the work things at the beginning, they gradually moved to things outside of work.

Everyone calls her habitually when bringing breakfast, throwing out the trash, or picking up express delivery.

She has been doing this for less than a week, and everyone has become accustomed to it.

Gradually, she found that everyone always treated her very casually, did not say thank you, and showed little gratitude. But for that intern, everyone had a little more respect.

No matter what the girl is asked to do, she should be cautious and say thank you after she is done.

She is actually a very sensitive person, so she felt such a gap only half a month later.

Obviously, her sense of boundaries was broken from the beginning.

Many examples tell me that most of those people in life who give people a low sense of boundaries are not really careless and careless, and true carelessness will not have such consequences.

On the contrary, they are all sensitive, think too much about others, pay special attention to other people's opinions of themselves, dare not express their sharpness, and even have low self-esteem.

When they deal with others, if they are not careful, it is easy for their humility to turn into flattery, and their kindness to turn into a "soft persimmon" that is easy to pinch.

Therefore, such people are often able to keenly capture the opinions and evaluations of others around them through the behaviors and speaking attitudes of others.

According to common sense, when we don’t know someone well, most of us still think tentatively and don’t dare to go beyond the distance.

It's good for you. Before others start to test you, you can't wait to show that you are easy to talk to and easy to tolerate. If others don't bully you, who will they bully?

The lower your sense of boundaries, the less likely others will be kind to you, and may intensify their intrusion into your private territory.

The more obvious your boundaries are, the more others will consider your emotions and respect you.

So, sometimes, people with a strong sense of boundaries will bring about a kind of contrast: the more irritable and tempered you seem, the more others respect you.

Of course, this does not mean that you have to be a particularly difficult person to mess with, giving people a sense of distance when you first look at them, and being difficult to talk to. No matter who has a request, whether it is reasonable or not, Refuse them all.

This does not mean having a sense of boundaries, but it means not knowing how to behave.

You must grasp this middle degree. In life, we cannot avoid normal social interactions and mutual help between people. These are normal. Just remember that going too far is never enough. Help when you need help and refuse when you should refuse.

Neither humble nor arrogant, have principles, do not go against your own heart, do not deliberately please, nor deliberately make things difficult. If others step on your bottom line, you must express it instead of saying nothing.

Your silence will not make the other person reflect on themselves. Instead, it will allow them to further test how low your bottom line can be. It can be said that things like pushing one's limit beyond the limit can be found everywhere in life.

Being a person with a strong sense of boundaries and his own temper, but with a strong and gentle heart is a character that each of us must learn.