First, it depends on whether you think it is necessary to continue, whether you can accept the other person's personality or habits (shortcomings), whether habits can be changed, and whether shortcomings can be tried, but don't say trying to change the other person's personality. If it's because I'm out of love and think it's a personality problem, then I suggest not to continue. Second, if you decide to continue, then I suggest you find the reason from yourself first and try to understand each other from another angle. After every quarrel or embarrassment, remember whether you really did something wrong in those areas. If you have, lower your head, or it will be too late. Apologizing between lovers does not mean that your status or status is lowered. You can understand it as the benefit between life.
Third, give each other some time and freedom. When you are in love, you can't wait to be together every day. When the love period is over, we all have to live and work. As the saying goes, "A little parting wins a new love" is the truth. Cherish every time together. It is best for two people to make a serious appointment every once in a while to buy food or go shopping. Many girls don't care how much you earn, but more about her weight in your heart. Fourth, when encountering problems, two people should calm down, try their best to answer each other's questions and have a serious talk. Just as girls often ask "Do you love me or not", you should learn to be patient. Learning to coax each other and listen to each other's voice is a good way for two people to get along.
According to my incomplete statistics, 90% of my friends always mention a reason when they talk about breaking up. Speaking of which, I think you must have guessed what it is.
It seems that people who fall in love have their own original intentions, but people who break up always have the same reason-personality disagreement.
Some people say that character determines fate. Now it seems that personality can affect too much, even in charge of our marriage and love power. Personality is not as easy to identify as gender. It takes long-term contact and getting along with each other to explore clearly. So, if you know what kind of personality you should find before you fall in love, can you avoid the imperfect ending of breaking up because of disagreement?
In fact, what kind of personality the other person is is not the most critical. Simply put, the key is whether he and your personality match. And the word "match" contains a lot of knowledge. It may be a supplementary model or similar type.
So should we look for a relationship with complementary personalities or a relationship with similar personalities? Which type of match is easier to keep the relationship lasting?
0 1
In fact, similarity and complementarity contribute to the occurrence of love.
This point still needs to be explained. In fact, the influence of similarity and complementarity on love does not lie in the initial interaction between two people. On the contrary, both types may contribute to the development of love.
Personality refers to a relatively stable and core personality psychological characteristic which is manifested in people's attitude towards reality and corresponding behavior. Personality shows a person's attitude towards reality and the world around him, which is reflected in his behavior, mainly in his attitude, words and deeds towards himself, others and things.
(1) Two people with similar personalities are easily attracted quickly. Because of similar personalities, you are more likely to have the same interests and hobbies, and it is easy to produce * * *. Even if there are differences in hobbies, they will show the same attitude towards people and things in the process of contact. This similarity is like the gift of life and the traction of fate. After all, it is amazing to meet a soul similar to us in the vast sea of people.
Most people like people who are similar to themselves, because this similarity is also an affirmation and reinforcement for themselves.
You love adventure and pursue excitement just because the other person likes extreme sports. You think the other person is great, but in fact, you will feel great subconsciously. "You see how well he said, extreme sports is a challenge to your willpower and a spiritual encouragement." This idea will make you appreciate yourself more. At the same time, this * * * connection will also make you less defensive, open your heart, accept each other, and accelerate the development of love, because you think the other person can understand you more easily.
(2) Complementary personality types also have the beauty of nurturing love relationships. Jung, a psychologist, believes that everyone has two different personalities, explicit and implicit. For example, rude people also have subtleties in their hearts, and calm people also have impulsive side. This kind of recessive personality is also called "shadow personality" because it is often suppressed and hidden, and they need to be released more.
If you meet someone whose dominant character is just your recessive character, we will feel excited inside and feel compensated and released. This complementary pattern will also become a fascinating "special place" at the beginning of a relationship, such as finding the part that you really lack.
Therefore, complementarity or similarity is only the beginning of love, and it does not determine the final development and the quality of love.
02
What really makes it easier to promote long-term and stable love is the similarity of each other's personalities.
Psychologist Zeke Rubin and others investigated 202 couples who had been in contact for several years, of which 103 finally broke up. Compared with other married couples, these couples have great differences in gender roles, attitudes towards sexual relations with acquaintances, romanticism and religious beliefs.
In other words, differences in values and personality are likely to lead to the breakdown of love relationships, while couples with similar personalities are more likely to maintain stable marriage relationships.
If social status, family background and other macro-level situations are equal, a person similar to you may be a better choice. This pairing is also called flush fertilization.
Many people will use the theory of love to think about this result. They often think that because they don't love each other deeply enough, they can't tolerate each other's differences with themselves, which eventually leads to breakup, and personality disagreement is just the fuse.
So what is love? It is a necessary condition for marriage, but not a sufficient condition. Two people can love each other deeply, but it doesn't mean that the love relationship can last for a long time. Love is never a static thing. It can develop in depth, or it can float on the surface and eventually disappear.
The details in life often kill each other's love and eventually become two cold people.
When you say I love you, it is a moment's feeling; When you say that I will love you forever, it is also an instant promise. Of course, we all hope that the feeling and commitment of a moment can be automatically copied to every moment and finally combined into eternity.
But it is a pity that even two people who have loved each other for a lifetime have not always loved each other. They will experience moments of love and many moments without love. As we often say, even loving couples will have hundreds of thoughts of strangling each other in their lives. These thoughts often arise when we don't feel love at that moment.
The superposition of all these moments determines the direction of the two final relationships. The more moments of love, the more likely it is to produce positive accumulation, and the more moments of non-love, the more likely it is to destroy and kill the belief of love.
Therefore, there is no real lasting, ups and downs of love, only a moment, a moment of love. Through years of research, BarbaraFredrickson defines love as "a small moment that has a positive impact".
03
What kind of two people are more likely to generate positive buzz, and then create countless moments of love?
Couples with similar personalities have a natural advantage in this respect.
Suppose you are a pessimist and your partner is an optimist. If you just quit to a new company, what you probably want to express most is your concern. What if your new job is not up to the job? What if colleagues are not easy to get along with? But in the other person's eyes, he is more likely to only notice that the new company has a good development prospect, and your treatment has been greatly improved, which is a new challenge and so on.
Therefore, it may be difficult for you to find the understanding and comfort you need in the performance and response of the other party, and it is not easy for the other party to understand your hesitation and worry about the future.
This difference may lead to conflict or inner estrangement. It's okay to be together once or twice, but after two people have been together for a long time, they have to face not only the problem of job promotion, but also many trivial details in life. Every time it happens, it will highlight the personality differences between you. If not actively and properly handled, these trivial and destructive details will make the other party overwhelmed and break up.
However, if two people with similar personalities and values get along, there will be fewer opportunities for conflicts, so the time and energy spent on solving conflicts and contradictions will be less, and the two people will leave a relatively more pleasant experience when they get along.
Moreover, a harmonious way of thinking and behavior is more likely to stimulate and promote each other's growth. Two people who are prone to anxiety will make more careful choices, seek advantages and avoid disadvantages, and two more optimistic people will take more active actions together to push things towards the expected results.
People with similar personalities don't always need to emphasize tolerance and understanding, because understanding is a natural thing when they get along, because similarity allows us to understand each other's ideas as effortlessly as we understand ourselves.
In fact, the real meaning that similar lovers are more likely to grow old together is that they can deeply understand and appreciate each other and meet each other's needs. Therefore, this is also the key for complementary lovers to break through differences and create consistency. Even if your personality characteristics are different, or even almost opposite, as long as you can grasp each other's real needs, you can grow old together.
This is like a controlling person and a submissive person, an active person and a passive person. It is precisely because they fill each other's needs that they can run smoothly like two closely meshed gears.
If the other person needs a candy, please don't give him fruit; If the other person needs a song, don't just dance. In addition to love, we should always go to each other's hearts to see what we really want. This is the key to truly eliminating "personality incompatibility".