Be lenient with others and be strict with yourself.
In interpersonal communication, having a good relationship can often make your life and work much easier. When you live in harmony with others, you should be tolerant of others. Gold is not enough, no one is perfect, everyone has shortcomings, and mistakes are inevitable. If you cling to other people's shortcomings, you will naturally be annoyed. The ancient sage said, "A gentleman is tolerant of others and strict with himself." The so-called tolerance is to relax the requirements of others, not to force others, and to treat others' shortcomings and mistakes as leniently as possible; To be strict with yourself means to be strict with yourself, so that you can reach a higher standard as far as possible in your life and work, and you can't ignore your own shortcomings and condone your own mistakes. Only by being strict with yourself, being good at listening to other people's criticisms and correcting mistakes can we keep growing and create a successful life.
In interpersonal communication, if you want others to be good to you, you should be good to others first, provide convenience and help to others as much as possible, and show more understanding and respect to others. According to historical records, there was a man named Shen in the Eastern Jin Dynasty, and his way of dealing with people became a model for many celebrities in later generations to warn themselves to be tolerant of others. Shen, known as "Mr. Weaving Curtain", has been clever since he was a child. When he was seven years old, his uncle and his guests talked about Taoism. He can tell the guests every word after they leave. When he was a little older, he was already a learned man who was familiar with classics and history. Because of his poor family, he can only make a living by weaving curtains, but he still insists on knitting and reading, so people nicknamed him "Mr. Weaving Curtains".
What makes Shen famous is not his eagerness to learn, but his story of dealing with people. Shen has always been open-minded and cheerful, and is always kind and friendly to people. Once, when a neighbor lost his shoes and saw Shen wearing the same pair of shoes, he said that Shen's shoes were his. Shen smiled and said, "Oh, are these your shoes?" He took off his shoes and gave them to him. A few days later, the neighbor found his lost pair of shoes, so he returned the pair that Shen had taken off. Shen smiled and said, "Oh, this is the pair you lost!" " "A la hora to pick up shoes. From beginning to end, Shen didn't look angry at all, but always treated his neighbors' mistakes and apologies with tolerance. Some people can't be so tolerant of the same thing. In the Northern and Southern Dynasties, there was a man named Liu Ningzhi, who was also a famous hermit. Once, a neighbor lost his shoes, and he thought the shoes he was wearing were his own. Liu Ningzhi said nothing. He took off his shoes and gave them to his neighbors. A few days later, the neighbor found his lost shoes and returned them to him together with those given to him by Liu Ning. Unlike Shen, Liu Ning refused to own the shoes. Although Liu Ningzhi is also a helpful celebrity, he is worse than Shen in the cultivation of being tolerant of others. On one occasion, Su Shi, a great poet in the Song Dynasty, took out this story when talking with his friends about the truth of being a man, and commented, "Be a man like Shen, not like Liu Ningzhi."
Being lenient with others is extremely important in life, but being strict with yourself is also an indispensable virtue. In this respect, the great Russian writer Nikolai Nikolai Gogol is a model. Nikolai Nikolai Gogol has the habit of asking people's opinions before his works are published. Once, as soon as he finished writing a play, he invited Huaxi Andrevich zhukovsky, a famous poet at that time, to his home. After lunch, he began to read his plays to Zhukovsky. Who knows that zhukovsky is old and has no energy, so he takes a nap every day. So he dozed off while listening. After a while, Nikolai Nikolai Gogol said to him, "Look, I invited you here this time to listen to your opinion. Your nap gave me the best advice!" With that, he threw the script condensed from nausea and bleeding into the stove.
The so-called "convenience for others, convenience for yourself" and "the beauty of a gentleman's adult" give people relaxed conditions, forgive others' mistakes and help others correct them, which is equivalent to giving themselves a relaxed and harmonious environment. Of course, only a relaxed and harmonious environment can't make people successful. If you really want to achieve your goal, you must be strict with yourself. Only by being strict with ourselves can we be good at discovering our own shortcomings and make up our minds to correct them. Only in this way can we constantly improve ourselves and realize our own value.
Nepotism is woven into a net.
The word "nepotism" takes its ancient meaning, in which "nepotism" means woman. Throughout the ages, many people look down on women and think that they can't achieve great things. As we all know, the power of women should not be underestimated. If men conquer the world by force, women control the world by conquering men. Therefore, women always participate in major events in ancient and modern times. And nepotism is the most labor-saving and reliable relationship. In history, whether it is a famous minister or a good general or an unscrupulous prostitute, many people have made their fortune by nepotism. As the saying goes, "One person gets the word, chickens and dogs ascend to heaven", and nepotism is the best annotation of this sentence in interpersonal communication.
Wei Qing, a famous soldier in the Han Dynasty, was the first person in the ancient military history of our country to adopt the long-range attack tactics of the Grand Cavalry Corps, which had a great influence on the world and left a great reputation. However, this outstanding strategist was not selected by his descendants or the eye of Bole, but was discovered by the nepotism of his beloved sister. Wei Qing was born in poverty. When his mother was a servant in Princess Pingyang's house, she had a relationship with a man named Ji Zheng. Therefore, when he was a child, he was discriminated against, and he was not accepted by his brothers and sisters in his father Ji Zheng's family. A man once joked with him in the name of fortune telling: "You were born with a noble appearance, and you will certainly be able to worship the official title in the future." Wei Qing laughed at himself: "I am the illegitimate child of a maid. What do you want? I hope I get a little less scolding. "
When Wei Qing grew up, he left the unbearable Zheng family and became a slave rider in Princess Pingyang, where his mother lived. Although he still leads an overwhelming sad and hard life, he has broadened his horizons, made some friends, and learned horse riding and some military knowledge. Wei Qing's sister Wei Zifu is also a singer in Princess Pingyang's house. Because they are all servants, they are closely related to each other. Princess Pingyang chose a dozen maids to give to Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty because her younger brother had never given birth. But Emperor Wudi didn't like it. Instead, I took a fancy to Wei Zifu who can sing and dance. So Wei Zifu suddenly became a sparrow and a phoenix, and became the favorite concubine of Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty. Wei Qing was blessed by this, and went to Chang 'an, the capital with her sister, and became a small official. Because Wei Zifu soon became pregnant with the child of Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty, she was more fond of him. However, at that time, out of jealousy, Queen Chen secretly planned to murder Wei Zifu's brother and sister, and ordered Wei Qing to be arrested in order to kill him. Wei Qing was later saved by a friend, and things were known by Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty. In order to comfort Wei Zifu, Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty turned a blind eye to the Queen and made Wei Qing his supervisor and assistant. Wei Qing's position rose abruptly and became a royal family. Even the two sisters of Wei Zifu's family grew up and got married with silver spoons. Soon, Wei Zifu was officially canonized as his wife, and Wei Qing was promoted as a doctor of traditional Chinese medicine, becoming a powerful official second only to Jiuqing.
During the period of Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty, meritorious military service was the most important reward basis, so every young talent who tried to develop wanted to make a name for himself on the battlefield. At that time, there were many famous soldiers in the Han Dynasty, so it was not easy to make achievements on the battlefield, but Wei Qing got such an opportunity with the help of Wei Zifu. In BC 129, Emperor Wu appointed Wei Qing, who was still very young, as a chariot general, with 10,000 cavalry and three other generals to fight against the Huns. In this battle, the other three experienced veterans were all defeated by Xiongnu, but Wei Qing won a great victory, which initially revealed Wei Qing's military talent. Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty took the opportunity to reward him and named him Shanhaiguan Hou.
In 128 BC, Wei Zifu gave birth to a boy, and Wei Qing defeated the Huns again. Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty loved their brother and sister even more, and Wei Zifu was officially canonized as the queen and the mother instrument of the world; He was particularly interested in Wei Qing, and appointed him as the main commander in the fight against the Huns. In BC 127, Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty ordered Wei Qing to lead an army to attack the Xiongnu army in Henan. Wei Qing unexpectedly defeated the Xiongnu, not only killing and capturing many Xiongnu soldiers, but also recovering all the lost land in Henan, even "completely annihilated". Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty was very happy. In recognition of his meritorious military service, he was specially named Hou and given 3800 tax and grain cities. Since then, Wei Qing has repeatedly made meritorious military service, and was eventually named as a general, that is, the real command of the whole army. It can be said that Wei Qing's fame and fortune reached the acme.
Nepotism is unbreakable. This relationship can be easily used without fear of being betrayed. Of course, it is the most practical one in the network. It is understandable to use your connections for development. In particular, nepotism guaranteed by family ties is reliable, cheap and twice the result with half the effort.
Climb relatives and make friends.
The network of relationships is naturally powerful and extensive. The network is solid and safe to use, but its usability is limited after all. If you want to achieve your ideals and goals in a short life, you should not only rely on climbing relatives, but also make friends, self-interested friends and available friends. Only in this way can you communicate with others and make use of all available power to promote your success as soon as possible.
A Dream of Red Mansions, one of China's four classical novels, has an important character. She is a real power figure in the Grand View Garden, relying on her huge and comprehensive network of contacts, firmly controlling the vast Jiafu. Her name is Wang Xifeng.
Cao Xueqin painted a picture of Wang Xifeng's fate in Twelve Women in Jinling. "There is a female phoenix on the iceberg." This female phoenix refers to Wang Xifeng, and that iceberg implies the huge relationship she relies on. Wang Xifeng's "nepotism" depends on several major forces: First, the economic situation of her family. At that time, almost all foreign ships belonged to the Wang family, and her huge financial resources were one of the important factors for her to take power in Jiafu. The second is the influence of her aunt's family. Mrs. Wang, her great aunt, is an important figure in the Jia family, and Xue's husband's family is a big merchant. These relationships have also played an extraordinary role in her. The third is her husband Jia Lian. Jia Lian is the eldest son of Jia Zheng, the Rong Guo mansion, and the best candidate to carry on the family line. And after Jia Yuanchun became the imperial concubine, Jia Lian became an imperial relative, and search naturally became an imperial relative. The fourth is the favor of Jia Mu. Jia Mu can be said to be the "emperor" and dictator of Jia Fu, and she is favored by Jia Mu, so she is naturally superior.
With these big backers, the power of Jia Fu is naturally in the hands of Wang Xifeng. However, Wang Xifeng understands that it is not easy to control such a large family with the support of a few powerful people. If you want to spread everything in the Jia family to your ears, you should not only communicate with them, but also give them orders. So she used all kinds of coaxing, holding, cheating and filming to win the favor of big shots such as Jia Mu and Wang Fu. While making friends with servants, wooing cronies and henchmen, she wooed servants to be housekeepers, and Lai Wang and his wife specially managed usury for her, and also made friends with Yuanyang, a maid who served the grandmother. Although Yuanyang is only a servant girl, she is very loved by Grandmother Jia. She stays with Grandmother Jia all day and knows her every move like the back of her hand. Therefore, the friendship with Yuanyang helped Wang Xifeng a lot, not only helping her to know the grandmother's movements in time, but even taking advantage of Yuanyang's relationship, she stole a box of treasures from her grandmother and exchanged money. What helped Wang Xifeng the most was her maid Pinger. She is kind and kind to Pinger and regards Pinger as a bosom friend. Pinger not only inspected the goods and leaflets for her, but also handled all kinds of usury and stole money for personal gain. Wang Xifeng can make Pinger do many things that are inconvenient to come forward. She also wooed Jia Baoyu, the maid around the grandmother's precious grandson, attacked people and used people to improve her relationship with Jia Baoyu. She also please Tan Chun, Shi Xiangyun, Baochai and other people who have some status and influence in the Jia family, and try to keep good relations with these people. By making friends with relatives and friends, Wang Xifeng weaved an all-encompassing network for herself in Jiafu, keeping herself firmly in control of the internal power of Jiafu.
As the saying goes, "there are many ways to make friends" is about the benefits of making friends. No matter whether you encounter difficulties or work hard, you will inevitably need help from others. Therefore, in our interpersonal communication, we should try our best to meet more people and make more friends. Of course, you can't make friends with everyone, "only quantity, not quality". If you accidentally make friends with some shameless people with ulterior motives, then when you use him, he may hurt you.
Smart, sociable and respectful.
It is a very important principle in interpersonal communication to respect the personality of others and consider their dignity. Everyone has self-esteem, which has nothing to do with status or wealth. Sometimes, those humble and poor people have more self-esteem. Ignoring the dignity of others and insulting their personality will not only make the humiliated feel pain, but also cause harm to the giver. Even if you don't mean to disrespect others, sometimes you will hurt others unintentionally. Therefore, we should pay special attention to our words and deeds in social activities.
Everyone wants to be respected. When you respect others, in return, others will respect you more. Respect is very important when you live in harmony with others and build your own network. What is particularly taboo in social interaction is that you only know how to respect the "important" people who are being used now, but ignore or arbitrarily belittle those who are irrelevant at present. Some people may not be important to you now, but one day they may become "important". Therefore, we should keep in mind a principle: everyone, no matter how insignificant his position, should respect him.
There is a bus driver who never thinks about the passengers and drives on the rampage, and never knows how to consider the passengers' eagerness to catch the bus. Many times, in a few seconds, the passenger could have run on the bus, but he closed the door and walked away, leaving only the passenger panting or dejected or swearing on the platform. However, after a while, many passengers found that the driver had changed. He not only drove fast and steadily, but also waited patiently for the hurried passengers to get on the bus, then closed the door with a smile before leaving the station. It turned out that the driver met a special old passenger some time ago. Every time an old passenger gets on the bus, he will say hello to the driver and say some simple pleasantries, such as good morning or good afternoon. Sometimes when stopping at the station, the old passengers will chat with the driver and say something like "You are a good driver", "So many people, you have a great responsibility" and "You are so patient to drive on such a crowded road every day". Every time the driver hears these words, his heart is warm and he feels that he has been respected, so he gradually cares about the passengers, and thus he has a sense of responsibility of "I am really important". As a result, his attitude has changed greatly.
Many people are like that driver. When people don't pay attention to him and respect him, he will gradually disrespect himself. Once he doesn't even respect himself, it is impossible to know how to respect others. But when someone values him and respects him, he will learn to respect himself and value himself, and then he will understand and respect others.
There is such a little story. In ancient times, there was a young man riding a horse, watching the sunset, but still wandering in the barren hills. I don't know how far it is before there is an inn. When he was in a hurry, he saw an old man passing by, so he quickly shouted, "Hey, old man, do you know how far the nearest inn is?" The old man simply answered him: "Wuli." Hearing this, he didn't thank the old man, so he grabbed Ma Xiangqian and ran. As a result, he ran ten miles without even seeing anyone. The young man thought, how can an old man still lie to me and see if I don't go back and teach him a lesson? But on second thought, I suddenly understood that the old man was calling him "rude." So he quickly turned his horse's head to chase the old man. After catching up, he turned over and dismounted, just shouting, "old man!" " "The old man said," the inn is far away. Stay at my house tonight! "Although it is only a little difference between" old man "and" old man ",young people will eventually sleep on the street and stay for free. This shows the great difference between disrespecting others and respecting others.
The writer Ye Man once said, "Don't attack people's minds, don't laugh and tease, and don't stab people's bones. It's bad for a gentleman, but bad for a villain. " This is about the importance of respecting others. The truth can be said, but don't hurt people's self-esteem; You can joke, but you can't insult people. Issues involving dignity and personality are the most incomprehensible and unforgivable, so don't touch this forbidden area. For self-esteem, no matter how subtle the injury is, it is painful, and that kind of pain will make people unable to forget the person who hurt him; For personality, the slightest injury is unbearable, and that sense of humiliation will make people determined to retaliate. Therefore, in interpersonal communication, remember to maintain respect for others, even simple details such as honorifics cannot be forgotten.
Appreciate each other and pretend to be pathetic.
Everyone has compassion and compassion. So many times, even if the truth is on the side of the strong, people tend to sympathize with the weak and help them, but the strong are isolated. Therefore, when we are not strong enough to confront our opponents head-on, we might as well strengthen our weaknesses and pretend to be pitiful, so as to gain the pity of others, make use of it and turn defeat into victory.
Women are best at "appreciating each other and pretending to be poor". Because women are naturally weak, and men mostly have the nature of "cherishing fragrance and cherishing jade", at the sight of women's misery and overflowing sympathy, the complex of "heroism" rises. Therefore, women often get twice the result with half the effort.
During the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period, the wife of the Prime Minister of Chu was named Jia, but she liked a concubine named Yu very much. Ms. A thinks that Yuchun Shen Jun is out of favor because of this concubine, and naturally hates her guts. The concubines got Chun's favor and naturally began to covet their wives' status, so they always wanted to find opportunities to replace them. As a result, the two turned against each other and became incompatible. Although Yu Yu, the concubine, is favored by Chun, she often goes in one ear and out the other and speaks ill of her wife. However, since Chun and Jia have been husband and wife for many years, they finally have feelings, and they don't pay much attention to them. In order to get rid of Mrs. Jia, it is a hollow mind, and she is also smart. She finally took advantage of Shen Jun's favor in the spring and came up with a clever plan.
One day, while he was away, Yu tore up his clothes and drew blood on him, making him look injured. When Shen Jun came back to see her in the spring, she fell down on the bed with long hair, crying and pretending to be delicate and touching. Spring is very sad and distressed to see her white skin, which she usually cherishes, red and purple now. So, she took the opportunity to frame Chun, saying that her wife was jealous of her favor and often found fault with her. I even fought with her today and beat her like this. As he spoke, he piteously showed Chun Shen Jun her scars. Chun was heartbroken, pitied his concubine and was dissatisfied with his wife. When Yu Yi saw that the plan was successful, he added fuel to the fire. He immediately wanted to die and pretended to hit the post. Chun Shen Jun quickly stopped her, comforted her, and promised her to abolish her armor and make her his wife.
I know that although Chun promised to marry her, A's son is still the legal heir of Chun. If we don't get rid of the mother and son, once her son comes to power in the future, they will definitely kill him. So she did the same thing again, scarred herself again, and cried piteously to Chun, saying that Mrs. Jia was more jealous of her now, and even brazenly ordered her son to molest her, tear her clothes, and want to be indecent. She simply didn't take Chun seriously. Then he began to cry in tears. After Chun comforted her, she stopped crying a little, then begged Chun to make a decision for her, and then played dead. Spring Shen Jun is still convinced this time. In a rage, he killed his wife A and his son, leaving Yu as his wife. I used the same trick of "pretending to be poor" twice, playing a spring Shen Jun who has always been famous for his resourcefulness and distinguishing right from wrong. In the end, I not only succeeded in sitting on the throne of the Prime Minister, but also let Shen Jun in spring kill his wife A and son angrily, which is extremely clever. This example shows how useful the strategy and tactics of "appreciating each other and pretending to be poor" are.
In interpersonal communication, strength can only suppress others, but not win people's hearts. On the contrary, suffering can sometimes go straight to the deepest and softest place in people's hearts. Therefore, when interacting with people, especially when you want to get something from others, if you can't impress them in various ways, you might as well expose your difficulties, pretend to be pitiful, and win their sympathy and pity, which will often lead to unexpected results.