Tonight's Night Talk will share with you three letters written by Shi Tiesheng to his nephew, Xiao Shui, with the themes of "loneliness", "fear" and "the most useful thing" to teach his nephew to actively participate in life.

After reading the whole article, you can see the image of a bitter elder and a young man who is slightly confused about life in your mind.

Face up to troubles and recognize loneliness

-three letters written by Shi Tiesheng to his nephew Num

Author: Shi Tiesheng

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Loneliness is not good. Loneliness means self-closure and satisfaction. Loneliness is not a bad thing, it means hope for openness and communication, and it is the kinetic energy of longing for others. In my experience, a person with a stronger imagination and a sharper sense of art will feel particularly lonely in adolescence because he has a richer description and expectation for the future.

I remember when I was in middle school, I felt very lonely, but I didn't know its name, and society and family ignored it, so I had to be patient. In fact, I don't even realize my patience, but I do have some unclear uncertainties. But as I get older, I don't know when I started, but I no longer panic. Probably because, gradually understand the true nature of society, have the experience to deal with-but this is secondary, it is necessary to gradually establish a belief-whether for what you do or for life itself.

At that time, unlike you, I had enough interest in learning and just finished my homework passively. Therefore, I often don't know what to do after school. Sometimes I go to the reading room and browse casually. The art teacher values me very much. I went to the art troupe several times and was praised. Later, I don't know why I didn't go. Seeing others go to track and field teams, military bands, and drama teams with great interest ... I am longing for it, but I don't take the initiative to participate. It seems that I am not embarrassed to apply for participation, but I don't want to admit that I am embarrassed, but that's because I don't ask any questions. However, my worries are still there. I just wander around Tsinghua campus more. If several students turn around together, but they are alone, they feel empty in their hearts, around them, even under the clouds or in the sun, and want to go home very much. I really want to go home, and I feel bored, and my family doesn't understand you, so I apologize for the innocence of my family. Actually, I don't understand it myself. Although I seem to be looking forward to it all day, I don't know what it is.

Now I understand that this is called "growing pains". The body is growing, the mood is growing, and the ability to imagine and think is also growing, but it is not big enough-for example, like a chess player-to see many steps at once, so you will feel confused in front of you and restless inside. It's like a question, but I still can't answer it; It's like a seed sprouting, but I don't know what tree it can grow into; Or just like leaving home, I don't know where the road outside leads, and I don't know how to get along with strangers; Trouble is inevitable. If it was just a tree, it would be easy. Let it be. If it is a stone at all, there will probably be no trouble. The universe is inherently boundless loneliness. But people, especially those who pay attention to spirit and are full of imagination, have troubles in this world. People are troubles-only when people appear can they talk about troubles.

The more imaginative and ambitious people are, the deeper their troubles will be. This proves the conflict between ideal and reality. Reality is doomed to be incomplete, and ideal is doomed to be perfect. Reality is a constant and ideal is a variable. Therefore, no conflict can only mean no ideal. The smaller the conflict, the weaker the ideal, and the stronger the conflict, indicating that the ideal is becoming more and more abundant and perfect. Good thinking and imagination are your strengths; The problem is to put the right position between retreat and pragmatism, especially to distinguish what you want to do and can do, what you want to do but have no conditions to do, and what you don't want to do but have to do. As long as it is handled properly, the conflict between reality and ideal is super strong, and creativity is super strong.

So I think it may be more appropriate for you to work in art or thought. But don't worry, it's straight from beginning to end, and there's no waste of steps. Road is a journey, you should dare to walk. But then again, for those who work hard at every step, there is no waste of steps, and there is no effect for the time being, but it may be useful or even useful when accumulated. Moreover, the purpose of all learning and thinking is not for usability, but for mental self-improvement.

I can only give you advice: face up to your troubles and recognize loneliness, not escape and delay. People with rich hearts have to deal with them all their lives; Too much fear of it is only a unique phenomenon in adolescence. Just like you, you were nervous before the exam, but you calmed down when you entered the examination room. Just like Adam and Eve, they just left the Garden of Eden and were very scared. Once they are on the road, they will have a new world. It is important to take the first step boldly, no matter right or wrong. Since ancient times, nothing has been designed before it started.

I remember a university counselor saying: don't think about everything before you go; For example, there are many obstacles on the road. Just clean them up until you can walk through them. There is no need to clean them all. Reckless people should learn to think, and good thinkers should overcome hesitation. The purpose can be perfect, but the steps need not be comprehensive. Just like Pandora's box, every answer contains more questions; Walking is the same, one more step will lead to more roads. There are many roads, but you can only choose one. It is impossible to explore each one before deciding which one to take. It has always been like this, so the process is more important than the purpose. Purpose is of course indispensable, but the real purpose lies in the improvement of people themselves. Perfection can only be achieved in the process. For example, life is like a string.

frightened

Loneliness stems from fear, or fear from loneliness? In reality, it seems to be mutually causal, but fundamentally speaking, it should be that fear stems from loneliness. In other words, people's initial situation is loneliness, because people come to the group as individuals. You can only know your own wishes, but you don't know what others are thinking, so you are afraid. Fear is because of ignorance of others, such as an unpaved road, an unpaved mountain and a group of strangers. The inevitability of this fear is that no matter who you are, you must face others with yourself, the unknown with knowledge, and the infinite with limitation. It can be concluded that those who do not have this fear are fools. On the contrary, the deeper the fear, the richer the imagination and the more comprehensive the attention. For example, the more you imagine the bumpy road, the more you are afraid. The steeper the mountain you imagine, the more timid you will be. The better you imagine others, the more afraid you are of approaching. People who are used to such imagination are naturally humble.

Humility is actually a virtue. A great philosopher once said: the gift of faith is humility. Modest and thoughtful people will definitely think of the words "fundamental" and "finally"-where did we come from and where can we go in the end? In other words: What is life for? What can people get in the end? Only a modest person would ask this question. Self-righteous people only pay attention to the present and usually can't remember such questions. It can even be said that humility is the foundation of all virtues. Only humility can make people see the world clearly; Only humility can bring faith; Only humility can make people understand why Nietzsche said that people who love fate are great people. (I will talk about "love fate" later. )

People's initial heart must be "living well", and what can be achieved in the end must be "meaningful" confirmed by themselves. Why? Because, with limited human intelligence, it is impossible to arrange everything in the world perfectly, and it is only possible to move in the direction of perfection. Therefore, as long as you move in the direction that you think is "meaningful", you are "living well" and you are living well; On the other hand, in order to live well, we must do what we confirm to be "meaningful". Besides, how can we live well?

In fact, no one doesn't want to live a good life. However, not everyone can set up a meaning for himself, affirm it, and move towards it persistently. The reason is that people often regard external success such as fame and fortune as "meaningful". But, first of all, in the face of infinite externalities, which step is successful? Secondly, external success can be done by hook or by crook, but can it still be regarded as "living well"?

In fact, fundamentally speaking, what is good, what is good and what is beautiful is a self-evident truth, which need not be taught to everyone. Otherwise, we can't teach or discuss, because without a coordinate system-the basic standards of good and evil, good and bad, beauty and ugliness, people simply can't talk about it. Some people use this to prove the existence of God.

Therefore, only inner success is truly "meaningful". What is internal success? I think, as long as people are convinced that they are trying to "live well" and constantly improve themselves, it is internal success. It doesn't matter how big the external achievements are, whether they are high or low compared with others can be ignored. Have you ever noticed that as soon as you compare with others, you run out? Once outside, fear comes, meaning is in doubt, and the steps are confused. I don't know how to "live well".

The monitor in Soldier Assault asked Xu Sanduo to do the horizontal bar, and Xu Sanduo always counted the number of children. Thirty of them felt sick, so they fell off the bar. The monitor said that you are nothing, just thinking about doing actions! As a result, he earned 333. So you can only rely on inner success to ensure meaning, and you can only succeed in the meaning you confirm.

But the enemy of humility is timidity. However, modesty and timidity are often twins. How can we remain humble and overcome timidity? It's really hard. But only when you think about it carefully will you find that humility is inherent. Never compare with others. Timidity must be because you are outside again-afraid of others. Climbing a mountain is afraid of the high mountain, walking hates the long road, and facing others is afraid of being looked down upon-isn't it just going outside again? So, be sure to keep yourself-this does not mean that you dominate or despise others, but that everything is to improve yourself. Helping others is also improving yourself, and asking others for advice is also improving yourself. Climbing mountains, walking, doing problems and making friends are all for self-improvement. Even if you are ridiculed, you can improve yourself. Once you are too proud, you go outside again-look at yourself with other people's eyes. I don't want to do many things I should do, and I dare not do them. At this time, as long as I think I am trying to improve myself, things will be much easier. Perfecting yourself, of course, is not to satisfy vanity, but to strengthen your mind and morality bit by bit, just like an old miser collecting money-so why be afraid?

In fact, all your problems are cowardice. Actually, me too. As soon as I got on the podium, everyone in the audience was in complete darkness, and my mind immediately went blank. Investigate its reason, or because go outside, afraid of not speaking well, fall a reputation worthy of the name. Sitting on the stage a few times, I suddenly thought of this and said, Fuck it, as long as I say what I really think, so I immediately returned to my inner self and gushed. The same is true of making friends. If you are afraid, you must think of other people's eyes and comments. I know it's hard to change. Nature is always stronger than reason. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.

Why try? For self-improvement; See if I can put down my vanity, not afraid of being laughed at (not necessarily laughed at), see if I have the courage, and see if I can improve on my usual weaknesses. Yes, it is almost impossible not to be afraid at all; However, if you are afraid, you should try it and take it as a step to improve yourself-my experience. As long as you think so, you won't be so afraid. Anything is possible. Afterwards, if someone laughs at you, it's because he is wrong, he has learned a lot (another step forward), or because others are wrong, he still laughs at you-you can learn it slowly, but it's not too sad.

The most useful thing

In my experience, no matter who you are or what the situation is, there are three things that are most important. The first is to analyze the situation and achieve "know yourself and know yourself". The so-called confidant is knowing what you want to do and what you can do; Knowing yourself is to find out what external conditions allow you to do and what you are required to do. The former is the ideal or wish you set after you estimate your ability. The latter includes: what do you want to do, or what you can do, but the obstacles are too big and the hope is slim; And what you don't want to do, but you have to do. It can also be said that the former is the goal, and the latter is to pave the way for achieving the goal.

You can do whatever you want directly, there is almost no such thing in the world; Unless it is very accidental, the luck is surprisingly good. Good luck, of course, we must seize it, but don't expect it at any time. Always base yourself on sobriety, determination and action.

This brings us the second important thing: decision-making. That is, after "knowing yourself and yourself", you should make a decision for yourself. The significance of the decision is that once the direction is determined, don't hesitate. As the saying goes, "people don't doubt, people don't need to doubt", and so does the decision. When making a decision, be careful and comprehensive. Once a decision is made, there will be no doubt, so there will be no other thoughts. Don't dabble. People often say; Success lies in "persistence".

The third thing is called: start. As soon as the first two things are finished, we must start at once, and we must not delay. The biggest disadvantage of procrastination is not procrastination, but it will make you hesitate and even lose confidence. No matter what you decide, you should do it at once, which in itself can make people full of energy and keep a positive and happy mood. In short, there are three things, or three steps: know yourself-make a decision-act immediately. These three things or three steps are not only the most useful in an instant, but also the most useful in a person's life.