?We go to great lengths for our friends. We have been told since childhood: many friends, many paths. When we are parents, what we want most is for our children to make friends.
?Especially in today’s families, there is either one child or at most two children. The child has few playmates and is sometimes seen alone. Parents will feel sorry for their children from the bottom of their hearts, and especially hope that their children can make friends.
?When good wishes meet reality, they may appear——
?We see that our children are always shy, passive, don’t like to talk, and don’t like to talk. Dare to play with others. We feel uncomfortable when a group of children play together but our own child is always alone.
?We see that our children are always bullied. When playing with other children, they are always the submissive and obedient ones. We cannot calm down.
?When we see that our children always like to play with children younger than us, and are obviously boys but only like to play with girls, we feel anxious.
?We feel very angry when we see that our children always conflict with other children, either being beaten by others or hitting others.
?We saw that our child said today that so-and-so was his best friend, and then in the next moment he told another child not to play with her. We will feel confused.
?Although the child is really young, he has many problems.
?Each family has only one or two children, so naturally all the attention is on the children.
?Once the child doesn't like to talk or is shy, we will push the child out anxiously, hurry, hurry, who to play with, you are all good friends.
?Once a child is bullied and listens to others, we will rush to give the child advice, and even rush in front of the child to help the child solve the problem.
?Once a child says he doesn't like someone, we will answer anxiously, "How can this be? We are all good friends."
?Most of us have not received training in making friends. When we were young, we were left alone, crawling around on our own, making friends or not making friends by ourselves. There are even many of us who grew up being bullied, and the wounds in our hearts have not yet been healed.
?When it comes to children making friends, each family’s attitude depends entirely on the parents’ growth experience. In addition, in the Internet era, all kinds of online information are full. For example, let the children resolve their own disputes. If someone hits you, just hit them back. This network information makes things more complicated.
? In fact, children are not born knowing the best way to make friends.
We see that the child is reticent and shy. It may be that the child’s natural temperament type is repellent, which is also the so-called sensitive type. For such children, they need to make sure that the environment is safe enough and build enough self-confidence before they are willing to take a step forward.
?We see that children are always bullied and always obey others. To adults, it seems that the relationship between the two children is unequal. It is very likely that the two children are in a complementary relationship.
?We see conflicts among children all the time. In fact, the children have not yet developed the ability to resolve conflicts. What they need is help and demonstration of correct solutions, rather than blaming or blaming their children.
?Only by truly understanding each child can we provide targeted help to the child.
?1. Understanding the friendship development system
?Zero level: instant play partners (3-6 years old)
?We often hear that kindergarten The child in this stage said, "He is my friend, we live downstairs in my house." "He is my friend, and he has a Super Wings toy." "He is my friend, and I like to play with him. I don’t like him and don’t want to be friends with him.”
In fact, at this stage, children are just playmates.
?At this stage, children's self-centeredness makes them only think about themselves. What they care about is what other children can do for them.
They do not consider their own responsibilities for friendships, nor do they consider adapting their behavior to the needs of other children, and they even think that others think the same as them.
?They may refuse to play with other children, regardless of whether others are sad or not, they just seem heartless because their empathy is still developing.
?Level 1: Unilateral help (5-9 years old)
?At this stage, children like playmates of the same age as friends. They also want to make friends and will try all kinds of methods to establish a friendship, such as seducing or threatening others by saying, "If you are my friend, I will invite you to my birthday party" or "If you don't let me Play once and I won’t be friends with you."
?The child has no malicious intent, he is just testing what works and what doesn’t.
? 2. Understand the characteristics of the child
?A newborn baby cannot see himself and is in the first stage of birth with his mother. How his mother sees him is how he sees himself.
When a child is about one year old, he begins to develop himself, and his self-awareness begins to sprout. Once you have your own concepts and identify mine, you can slowly distinguish his.
?Discover friendship from about one year old, at a relatively low level of friendship. At this time, the child focuses on his or her own emotions, the physical characteristics of the companion, and what is happening at the time.
?At a higher level, children will become sensitive to others' expectations and concerns, begin to value psychological characteristics (a sense of humor and trust), and only then will they think about the present and future of friendship.
?Every stage of a child's development is important. If he can be seen and unconditionally tolerated by his mother, he will build up his own inner self-confidence.
?When self-awareness sprouts around one year old, he can be supported and respected for his wishes. Then it will be easier for him to stick to his principles in interpersonal interactions.
?Because at the beginning, children will imitate their peers and tend to choose people who they think are similar to themselves as friends.
?At this time, I just like it, there is no reason.
?Children always encounter various problems when getting along with peers. It is also friendship relationships that provide children with an environment to practice skills in solving social problems.
?These skills include communication, conflict resolution, establishing and maintaining trust, and building close relationships, and they prepare children for close interpersonal relationships in adulthood.
?3. Give help and support
a. Demonstrate skills
?"Together, we can't fight, we must get along well." "You share toys with your little sister. Good friends are together and they have to share." "When people come to your house to play, you are the little master and you have to give toys to the little guests to play with. Do you understand?"
These are not demonstrations! This is because adults use their own standards to demand children, but fail to follow the children's inner growth rules.
?"I don't like you doing this to me", "What happened? I saw YY knocked down GG's car...", "Can I play with you?", "You can't hit me", "Let's think about it together, is there any other way to solve this problem?"...
Express your feelings and learn to express your needs in language, State the facts and brainstorm together to find solutions to the problem.
?In Xinyueba Academy, teachers are not judges, nor do they comment on who is right or wrong, but lead children to find solutions to problems together and help children sort out the ins and outs of things. Because it’s not who is more capable who is correct. No matter who cries hard, I will let him go. Both parties will get a satisfactory solution.
?In this process, children learn the rules of interpersonal communication. They know that the rules are the same for everyone, and they are willing to abide by them. Children learn that the boundaries between people and the bottom line cannot be touched, otherwise they will cause harm to themselves and others. Children also learn how to resolve conflicts and build friendships.
?In the environment of Xinyueba Academy, there are not many parents to worry about. The older ones bully the younger ones, and the extroverts bully the introverts.
?The older children learned responsibility, and the younger children learned expression.
On the contrary, extroverted children and introverted children complement each other. In such a real environment, children are more likely to release their nature. Human nature is good, not evil.
b. Create an environment
? Provide opportunities for children and their friends to informally talk, play, and enjoy each other's company.
?In the curriculum of Ba Xueyuan, social studies class is to help children develop interpersonal communication skills.
?In the flea market, some children are sellers and some children are buyers. Based on their own identities, they must interact with people because of things happening, and they can naturally learn how to get along with others. method.
The children in Ba Academy also need to work together to complete a project, such as the sand and water construction course. Some people transport sand, some dig rivers, and some build bridges. They divide work and cooperate. Everyone will find something in the project. Position your own role, do your own thing well, and cooperate with the team to complete the entire project.
?There are also group discussions, role plays, etc., constantly giving children opportunities to develop friendships. The better you understand your children, the more help you can give them! In Xinyueba Academy, the most important thing teachers do is to observe and record children, and provide home interactive manuals every two weeks to support children's growth with parents!
?In the 2017 enrollment, mixed-age classes will enroll children aged 3-5.
Contact number: Teacher Jiang 18570362112
About us:
Xinyueba Academy is a post-Piagetian cognitive constructivist education to achieve Kindergarten with the purpose of easy survival and healthy psychology.
The classes at Xinyueba Academy are all about creating by yourself through activities, gaining knowledge about the subject, increasing hands-on ability, and stimulating children's creativity. At the same time, corresponding rules are also constructed in the activities.
Let the children be immersed in an atmosphere of "respect, trust, acceptance, and care" and fully experience happiness, confidence, and success.
Cultivate children’s basic self-care abilities, good living habits, get along well with peers, adapt to the collective environment and division of labor and cooperation.
Using singing, dancing, painting, handicrafts, performances, games and other forms, we allow children to experience and feel beauty, stimulate imagination and creativity, and help children build personality traits and healthy psychology that are easy to survive.
Address: Hongxi, Hongshan Cuiyuan, Shanyue Road, Hongshan Street, Kaifu District, Changsha City (300 meters north of Shanyue Road)
?