Confucius said, "Yan Ping is good at making friends with others, but he respects them for a long time."

Mr. Liu Zongyuan has a classic short story-The Donkey of Guizhou, which is about this place in Guizhou. There were no donkeys. Some busybodies brought one back by boat to the ground in Guizhou, and found it useless, so they left the donkey on the hillside and let it die. At first, the tiger saw it and thought the donkey was like a monster, so he didn't dare to invade it. Before long, the tiger began to test the donkey by swinging and rushing. It didn't take long to try out its foundation, and finally the tiger ate the donkey.

after listening to this short story, we may not know how the donkey was eaten, but we must know how the tiger planned this donkey. Therefore, it's better to stay away from those who are sneaking around and claiming to be familiar with it.

Yan Pingzhong, who Confucius commented on here, is a person who is good at keeping a distance from others.

In modern etiquette, the distance of conversation is specifically mentioned. It is said that when two people talk, it is good to keep a distance of at least one meter. This appropriate distance is "courtesy".

In the Book of Rites, it is said that "a man who is polite to his husband has the order of heaven and earth". It means that ceremony is the expression of the nature of heaven and earth and the order of all things. Everything in heaven and earth keeps its place and follows its path, so that it can be in its place and live in harmony. When talking to people, consciously keeping a distance of about one meter means keeping your place. When dealing with people, you can always keep respect, that is, you can follow your own path. Only in this way can you get your place and live in harmony.

Yan Pingzhong is Yan Zi. This man is great. There is his special book "The Spring and Autumn Annals of Yan Zi" in history. As for Yan Zi, many stories are almost household names because of his short stature and extraordinary agility. As a great politician, Yan Zi is definitely a wise man.

Yan Zi has many stories, and Confucius only emphasized his characteristic of "being kind to people" to comment, which just shows that Confucius agreed with Yan Zi's "being kind to people" without reservation. Yan Zi is a native of Qi State, older than Confucius, and made his fortune earlier than Confucius. When Confucius went to Qi, he was already the prime minister of Qi. To a certain extent, the reason why Confucius was frustrated in Qi was more or less due to the "credit" of Yanzi, a little dwarf.

Even so, Confucius still commented on him-being good at making friends with others.

usually, there are two difficulties in communicating with people, one is knowing each other, and the other is knowing looks. On the surface, Confucius emphasized Yan Zi's solution to the problem of "knowing what looks like". In fact, both problems were well solved by Yan Zi.

1. It's difficult to know each other

Two strangers don't know each other, so it's very difficult to become good friends.

Yan Zi's way is-don't treat yourself as an outsider. The well-known story-Yan Zi made Chu Zhong, the king of Chu originally wanted to shut Yan Zi out, deliberately closing the main entrance and leaving the small door. Yan Zi said that it was only when I sent a dog country that I entered the city from the dog hole. Now I am sending a mission to Chu, so how can I pass through the dog hole?

We carefully consider this passage. Yan Zi didn't stand in the position of Qi State or speak from his own position, but stood in the position of Chu State, and didn't regard himself as an outsider from the beginning. In this way, the Chu officials guarding the city had to open the door to let him enter Chu.

Comparatively speaking, ordinary people think that it is difficult to know each other with people they have never met, because they have a sense of separation first, distinguish themselves from each other, and have the extravagant hope that each other can become their confidants. Just think, in this world, why do people want to be your bosom friends and try their best to understand your strengths? Except for parents, wives and children, probably no one will have such patience and motivation. Therefore, if you want others to know about us, the best way is not to treat yourself as an outsider, not to be divided, to show your strengths openly, to sell yourself and to introduce yourself frankly to others.

The reason why Confucius said that Yan Zi was "good at making friends with others and respected them for a long time" means that Yan Zi solved the problem of "knowing each other is difficult" from the beginning. Then the problem of "getting along for a long time" was further solved.

Second, I have known each other for a long time-looks are hard to know

How can two people become friends?

besides the intrinsic motivation, there is also a question of skill. This skill is-respect it.

We often see such a joke: two good friends feel that they are each other's confidants because they have a good talk. So, we had a meal together. After dinner, the friendship became stronger, so they competed with each other to settle the bill. As a result, they fought and fought, and they turned their fists against each other.

In the street, we carefully observe the details of two people vying to pay the bill: often one person pulls the first person away, and then the first person pushes back. Then the one who pulled people pretended to be soaring first-"What a big deal, I'll do it"! Usually, you have to add a scary expression of staring eyes, and at the end, you have to say something that is not very pleasant to hear. The other one didn't like it right away. At first, it was about who paid the bill, and slowly it became who was rude first. Finally, they turned against each other and broke up in discord.

in this process, the biggest problem is that because we feel familiar with each other, we gradually forget the "ceremony" and lose the consciousness of "respect".

Think carefully about Liu Zongyuan's "The Donkey of Guizhou". Since you have lost the meaning of "respecting it" and even started to waver in words and actions, is "I" really a donkey in Guizhou? The final result is naturally a double stare.

therefore, Confucius' words imply the way to make friends.

Mr. Wang said, "Yan Pingzhong is good at getting along with people. He has been with people for a long time, but he can still respect each other.

Later, this passage of Confucius was extended to the relationship between husband and wife. Between husband and wife, what can be "respectful as guests" can often last for a long time.