We all know that "reciprocity" is a fine tradition of China, a country of etiquette. In fact, there are gifts at home and abroad. Different countries and people give gifts for certain purposes. Both China and the West attach great importance to gift giving, and both believe that there should be reciprocity. However, due to the different influences of cultural background and historical edification, there are still great differences in etiquette between China and foreign countries. This paper makes a preliminary discussion on these issues, aiming to help people know more about gift-giving knowledge and effectively promote cross-cultural communication.
First of all, China people's gift-giving culture and customs.
1. The origin of gifts
As early as the Spring and Autumn Period, China advocated etiquette. For thousands of years, influenced by the courtesy of the Duke of Zhou and the way of Confucius and Mencius, China's gift-giving culture has accumulated some practical gift-giving "codes" in the long-term historical precipitation. For example, "nod to the hero, make love to the beautiful woman", "send goose feathers a thousand miles away, courtesy is light and friendship is heavy", "courtesy is reciprocal, and it is indecent to come" and so on. ...
In China, gift-giving probably originated from sacrificial activities in primitive society. We can explore the origin of gift-giving from the original connotation of the word "gift". Li, that is, Li, is its initials. Oracle Bone Inscriptions's word "Li" is the pictograph of the drum below it, and "Fengfeng" is the pictographic line drawing of "two strings of jade" above it. The two shapes understand each other, indicating that the drum is used to send jade. In the eyes of ancient ancestors, music is more important than drums and things are more expensive than jade. Giving them together is the most precious gift. Playing drums and offering jade is undoubtedly the highest and most heartfelt etiquette. After thousands of years of inheritance and development, gift-giving has become a traditional culture in China.
2. Cultural forms of gift giving
China's gift-giving is not only a social form, but also a kind of culture, which is the continuation and development of China culture. In China, gift giving is very particular, and there are established rules. Who to give, what to give, and how to give it are all mysterious. Never give it blindly, indiscriminately or indiscriminately. Culture was not formed overnight. Of course, the expansion of culture is also slowly evolving. From the initial material, to the system, and then to the core of culture, the formation of China gift-giving culture has also experienced a long development process. In fact, the Chinese nation is a pragmatic nation, so the practicality of gifts will generally rank first.
As the saying goes, "goose feather" gifts generally do not appear, but the most pragmatic gifts such as "food, alcohol, tobacco, paper money, gold and silver" have the most market. Especially in the era when materials are not very rich, food is the first choice for giving gifts.
3. China people's reaction to giving and receiving gifts.
When giving and receiving gifts, China people and westerners show the same interest in gifts: the giver wants the other person to like his gift, and the receiver is also willing to accept the other person's gift. However, China people often show great modesty. For a gift that took a long time to buy, he may say, "I bought it casually, and I won't buy it, please accept it"; He might say, "If you can't cook, you can only eat." .
When giving gifts, I often deliberately belittle the value of my gifts. Even if the gift given to the other party is expensive, say "a small gift is not worth mentioning" and "a little something!" Or "I'm sorry ……", which affirms the value of gifts in a negative form, is beyond the comprehension of westerners. They don't understand this kind of indirect statement, or they don't realize the positive meaning hidden in negation.
When accepting gifts, China people and westerners have very different reactions. In China, people usually look unhappy when they accept gifts, and they don't open them themselves. They think it is very impolite to do so, and it will give people the impression that they are greedy for money or care too much about the gifts they accept. This behavior of China people is actually sending a signal to each other: I'm not interested in whether you give a gift or the weight of the gift. Even if you don't give gifts, you are still welcome, and it won't affect our relationship. So it is often after the guests leave, or after returning home, they quietly open the gifts. Moreover, when accepting a gift, China people often refuse, saying "Oh, why bring a gift", and only accept it after the other party insists again, indicating that even if they accept it, they are helpless, accompanied by such pleasantries as "How can I make you spend money" or "Don't be so polite next time" or "It won't happen again", and then put it aside to show indifference to the gift for fear that the other party will think it is aimed at others.
Second, the western gift-giving culture and customs.
1. Westerners' reaction to the value of gifts
China people attach great importance to the value of gifts when choosing them. Generally speaking, people in China usually think that the more expensive the gift, the better. Too simple and cheap gifts can not only enhance feelings, but may "offend people." In contrast, in other countries, such as the United States, it may be more appropriate to describe their gift-giving habits with an old saying from China, that is, "Send goose feathers a thousand miles away, and the ceremony is light and affectionate." In English culture, no matter what gift is given, it is usually "good quality and low price", which the host likes or needs, or is very distinctive and innovative. Like China people, it is very rare to send money or expensive gifts directly for birthdays, housewarming and weddings.
Westerners often pay attention to the commemorative value of gifts. To be exact, China people give gifts and Westerners give souvenirs. When you are invited to visit a western family, you can send a bunch of flowers to your hostess, a bottle of wine to your host, a book you like or your partner, or a CD, or a book you wrote. You can also bring your own small handicrafts, which will make the owner happier. When visiting a western family, the other person will not care about how practical your gift is, but rather an expression of your mind. When people accept gifts, the first thing that comes to mind is gratitude. So in order to express their gratitude, they will open the gifts given by others in person, shout loudly and admire them. He may not care about the gift you gave him, but etiquette tells him that he should express his gratitude, at least on the surface, so as not to hurt each other's feelings. Sometimes, in the wedding celebration, the host will also show the gifts given by the guests to increase the festive effect.
2. The principle of avoiding taboos when giving gifts.
Gift-giving is a science, and both eastern and western cultures believe that gift-giving should respect the custom of the recipient: Westerners think odd numbers are auspicious, and sometimes they don't feel humble just by giving a pear, which is different from China's emphasis on pairing. There is a saying in China called "yes man". Therefore, everything that is overjoyed is given a double taboo. For example, two bottles of wine and two cigarettes. One is to show that you are not a stingy person, and the other is to get a lucky number. However, in the west, when people send wine, they only send one bottle. One is enough, and two are welcome, but unexpected and unexpected. Because when eating, you should drink the wine brought by the guest. If the guest takes two bottles, it looks like the guest is an alcoholic. He is afraid that one bottle of wine is not enough. Furthermore, although white has the meaning of chastity and innocence, it is taboo in China. In China, white is usually the color of great sorrow and poverty. Similarly, black is considered unlucky, a color of disaster and sadness. On the other hand, red is a symbol of joy, peace and celebration and is widely loved by people. In addition, people in China often pay attention to not giving clocks to the elderly, pears to lovers and umbrellas to lovers (homophonic "scattered"), because "sending clocks" and "dying people" are homophonic with "pears", which is unlucky. Also, you can't send medicine to healthy people, and you can't send personal belongings to friends of the opposite sex.
In addition, the taboos about commodity types vary greatly from country to country. Russians taboo others to send money, thinking it is an insult to personality. Don't give Arabs wine or human gifts, especially paintings or works of art with female images. The Japanese hate things decorated with foxes and badgers. They think the fox is a symbol of greed, and the badger represents cunning. Don't send tied flowers in France. Dutch people are used to eating raw and cold food, but avoid sending food.
Giving and receiving gifts is a common social phenomenon. At the same time, it is also an attitude or an action of sincere respect and respect between people, so the exchange of gifts between people is an indispensable communication content in human social life. We don't want to say that the ideas and behaviors expressed by a certain gift-giving culture must be better than another culture, but we want to say that the way of thinking and behavior expressed by any gift-giving culture is formed under certain geographical environment and historical conditions. The only thing we need to advocate is to explore the reasons for the formation of different gift-giving cultures and give necessary understanding to different gift-giving cultures.