Generally, after the completion of the "six rites", after the marriage is established, it is necessary to be widowed. However, after the conscription, the engagement was fully established and the woman was not allowed to break her word.
Both the Ming law and the Qing law stipulate that if a woman is treacherous, the principal will be 50 yuan; if the woman belongs to her husband, 70 yuan will be rewarded; if she is married, 80 yuan will be rewarded; If you decide to marry late, you will know your wife's sin and the bride price will be returned to the official. If you don't know, don't sit down and pay the bride price. The woman went to her ex-husband, and those who didn't want to pay the bride price twice, the daughter still belonged to her ex-husband. A man repents, re-hires, commits the same crime, and has to marry his ex-wife; Confess in the future, listen to him, don't marry, don't chase the bride price.
Chinese ancient books "The Book of Rites" and "The Book of Rites" all discuss this. "The Book of Rites" says: "Those who are faint in ceremony will be in harmony with their two surnames, living in the temple of the upper class and succeeding the later generations. Therefore, the most important thing for men is to receive gifts, ask names, receive gifts, and light invitations. All the masters are just a few outside the door. When they enter the concession, they guard the temple, worship outside the door, and they are promoted. According to the book Book of Rites and Rites, "There are six gifts when confused, such as receiving gifts, asking names, receiving gifts, inviting parties and welcoming guests". It can be seen that this traditional marriage custom originated in the Western Zhou Dynasty. It is generally believed that this marriage custom was established in the Qin Dynasty and then used in the Han Dynasty.
The "Six Rites" procedure of the engagement system began in the Western Zhou Dynasty and is also the content of the engagement system. "Six Rites" are recorded in Zhou Li, Li Ji and Yi Li. "Six Rites" is actually a ceremony stipulated by the slave-owning class, which plays a legal role. Later, it was inherited by feudal rulers, or dealt with in ceremony or law to meet the needs of feudal patriarchal order.
That means that the man's family invited the matchmaker to propose marriage to the woman's family. After the woman's family promised to propose marriage, the man proposed marriage with a wild goose and other gifts prepared and asked the woman's family to accept it, so it was called "that".
Ask for a name. After the man's family accepts it, please ask the matchmaker to find out the name and date of birth of the woman's family, and then spread it in the ancestral hall, calculate its good or bad, and then go further.
Najib, after the man's family asked for a name, it was already a good omen. The man's family still uses geese as gifts, and the matchmaker informs the woman's family and decides to get married.
Zheng Na, also called Nabi, was named after Naji, and the man's family gave the woman five pieces of black cloth and two pieces of deerskin as a dowry, which was the later engagement.
After the invitation, the man's family chose an auspicious day as the wedding day, prepared a gift to tell the woman's family and asked her for permission.
Welcome, Sina. Welcome to the woman's house to get married.
In old China, after the wedding, there were "adult ceremony" and "adult ceremony". "Adult ceremony" is a wedding, forming a relationship between husband and wife; "The instrument of becoming a woman" means that the husband's family took the position of daughter-in-law first. At this point, the "Six Rites" were completed and the marriage was established.
"Six Rites" is the need to maintain the patriarchal clan system. The patriarchal clan system takes marriage and family as the core, so the wedding is regarded as "the foundation of ceremony". Marriage is the words of a matchmaker and parents. As the Book of Rites O Faint Meaning says, the purpose of marriage is to "combine the interests of two surnames, serve the temple in the upper class, and inherit future generations." Marriage is a marriage between two families. The procedure of "Six Rites" is the procedure for parents to arrange their children's marriage. After the instrument of becoming a wife, the new wife is only the man's wife. After the completion of the instrument of becoming a woman, the new daughter-in-law became the daughter-in-law of the man's clan. Judging from the purpose of marriage and the ceremony of becoming a woman, the role of "Six Rites" in maintaining the patriarchal clan system is very obvious.
"Six Rites" need a strict hierarchy. "Six Rites" is the general term for ancient weddings. Specifically, it is divided into the weddings of emperors, princes, princes and officials, the weddings of scholars and the weddings of ordinary people. Different grades have different requirements, especially the amount of money employed. What kind of ceremony, what to say, what to use as a dowry, how many dishes to use at each table, and how many drummers and lanterns to use at each pass are all graded and must not exceed.
"Six Rites" runs through the ideological system that men are superior to women. Women who live from their husbands are accompanied by patriarchy and formed when private ownership is established. "Six Rites" is a way for men to marry women. Marry to send a woman to her husband's house, marry a man and marry a woman. The whole process is dominated by men, followed by women, and men are superior to women.
"Six Rites" are full of superstitions. Na Yong Goose (later changed to Goose) is said to have the meaning that Yin emerges from Yang; Asking the name is to ask God for good omen; Please choose a good day and so on. Superstition is almost ubiquitous in the Six Rites, so it is considered as a "match made in heaven".
"Six Rites" is the inevitable result of private ownership of marriage. Treat your wife as your husband's private property. This is the inevitable result of private ownership. As Lu Xun said: "In a private ownership society, women are originally regarded as private property and commodities." "When a man is the private owner, the woman herself is only the property of the man." This is reflected in the procedure of conscription. Sign, succeed, pay, get married. According to feudal law, after conscription, a woman must bear legal responsibility for making a promise to others.
In China feudal society, engagement must have a marriage certificate or private agreement. A marriage certificate or engagement is a marriage certificate. A private contract refers to the fact that a woman is willing to enter into a marriage knowing that the man is old, young, disabled, educated and ordinary. Men and women get married without parental orders, which is not recognized by feudal legislation.
The engagement is legally binding. The existence of engagement equals the establishment of marriage. If the engagement is dissolved or terminated, the husband's family must issue a divorce or divorce certificate. If you break your contract by breaking up your marriage, you may be re-employed, which will have certain legal consequences. Let's talk specifically about the legal consequences of the dissolution of the engagement.
An integral part of the arranged marriage system at the time of engagement. It is emphasized that keeping promises is the requirement of etiquette and law, and it also embodies the tradition of "keeping promises".
During the Western Zhou Dynasty, there appeared an institution for managing marriage registration, called the matchmaker. "Li Zhou's official media family": "The official media family is in charge of everyone's judgment, and it is nominally written by men and women; Thirty-two men and twenty women are allowed to get married, and whoever marries a wife or has a child will write it down. " "People's trial" refers to people's marriage, and "wives' trial" refers to divorce. Therefore, matchmakers in ancient times were responsible for marriage registration. Marriage must be registered with a matchmaker or through a private matchmaker. However, private media are not all good media, and those who lie to please both sides for the sake of greedy media money have been hated by people since ancient times.
According to feudal law, any marriage that violates the law and the matchmaker knows about it will be punished. The matchmaker shall not arrange an illegal marriage, conceal the disability of men and women, or illegally ask for "money to thank the matchmaker". The matchmakers who are greedy for money and eat and drink always try their best to avoid the requirements of the law.
A prominent feature of China's ancient marriage system is that marriage is not independent, but arranged by parents. Arranged marriage appeared at the end of primitive society. It is said that Yao Shun was forced to sue his parents when he got married. Monogamy, based on private ownership, has further developed the ancient custom, making parents' life the primary condition for marriage.
The conclusion of the Great Qing Law is: "All marriages are arranged by grandparents and parents, and those who have neither grandparents nor parents are arranged by other relatives." Biography of Sima Xiangru in Historical Records shows that Sun Younv was widowed in the pre-Qin period, and widow remarriage was extremely common.
There is a poem in The Book of Songs Xiaoya, "Don't think about the old marriage, seek the new one", which shows that it was fashionable for widows to remarry at that time.
Although Qin Shihuang carved a large number of stone carvings and advocated chastity, Emperor Xian of Han also gave virgin silk to encourage widows.
Emperor Wendi of Sui ordered that "wives above grade nine and concubines above grade five should not remarry", but the state also set up a "matchmaker" to remarry widowed men and women and allocate land and houses for the parties in order to settle down. (See Guanzi-Entering the Country) Empresses and princesses in the Han Dynasty can remarry.
The Tang Dynasty was more enlightened. The Book of the New Tang Dynasty contains more than 20 people who have married Princess Li Tang, four of whom have been married three times.
Before Neo-Confucianism in Zhu Cheng appeared in the Song Dynasty, it was normal for widows to remarry, regardless of the royal family, officials or ordinary people. However, the rise of Cheng Yi, Zhu and other philosophers tried to instill the Confucian thought and the martyr view of a good wife and mother in Qin Shihuang's stone carvings. In addition, the royal family in the Song Dynasty encouraged widowhood by public opinion and morality, which made it a shame for widows to remarry. "Women are chaste from beginning to end" (YiHeng). Cheng Yi even preached: "Hunger is small and shame is great". He thinks it is immoral for widows to remarry, and it is immoral for men to remarry women. Ming and Qing Dynasties were the most rampant and poisonous dynasties of Neo-Confucianism.
In the first year of Hongwu, Ming Taizu, the imperial edict wrote: "A widow in charge of a maid who died 30 years ago and does not change her manners 50 years later will be warned and ordered to get rid of her servants." During the reign of Zheng De in the Ming Dynasty, a monument was erected for the daughter who kept her virginity. The emperor also ordered the inspector to report the cases of chastity and heroic women every year, and commended "the elders gave worship to the shrine, and built a square table for the second time, and the aconite wedge shone on the well." This move incited women's vanity and family glory. The fierce women of virtuous women are competing to emerge. A husband died with him, a fiance died and he was widowed for life. A man threw his body or feet into the river during his widowhood, and he bumped into a man's genitals or was insulted by a man. Stone tablets of martyrs stand in the forest, memorial archways of chastity are everywhere, and there are more than ten thousand biographies of Ming history.
According to Records of the Qing Dynasty, in the fifty-fifth year of Kangxi alone, the emperor personally rewarded nine "women heroes" who refused to rape and died. During the Yongzheng period, it was necessary to collect "chastity women" in remote mountainous areas and poor families. After Tongzhi, chastity temples were set up in various places to encourage women to be widowed and chaste. Ethnic groups, especially from the perspective of self-interest, "are proud of having a virgin and a fierce woman at home, and fools set up a platform to die." If a woman doesn't want to, her family will insult her and even whip her followers. "Widows who remarry are inferior, despised by relatives and friends, and regarded as corruption by the people. So is the social atmosphere. Women who are not widowed are not allowed to walk through the front door, but should avoid walking, otherwise they will be laughed at and spurned by their children. Widows poisoned by feudal ethics, if their parents, brothers and neighbors persuade them to remarry, or are forced to remarry by powerful men and rich families; Not only resolutely refused, but some also disfigured, severed their fingers and even committed suicide. Widowhood not only deprives women of their desire to enjoy family warmth, but also damages their independent personality and dignity as human beings, suppressing the legitimate demands of countless young women. This is an extremely cruel feudal custom.
The sequel to Zhiyi contains the difficulties of a young widow: "When people are quiet, turn off the lights, throw a hundred dollars on the ground, bend over and pick them up one by one, and start to sleep exhausted, which is embarrassing." It vividly depicts a widow's "trick" to suppress her sexual desire for 60 years. But it was this cruel "widowhood" that became the social norm in the Ming and Qing Dynasties.
In the long feudal society of China, books and articles urging widowed women to "be widowed" flooded the people, such as Biography of Lienv written by Liu Xiang in the Western Han Dynasty and Women's Commandment written by Ban Zhao in the Eastern Han Dynasty, all of which emphasized that "husbands have the intention of remarriage, and women have no choice." Pei's prose on women's history in the Western Jin Dynasty advocates: "Women are virtuous and soft, and they live in the right room with chastity, gentleness and prudence."
"The Analects of Confucius and Women" edited by the Song sisters in the Tang Dynasty begins by saying, "Honesty is the only way to be honest. Those who are clean are clean, and those who are honest are glorious. " There were several books on women's education in the Ming Dynasty, and more in the Qing Dynasty, especially the Four Books on Women composed of Wang Baigou's Women's Commandments, The Analects of Confucius, Internal Training and Records of Female Fan, which had the greatest influence.
It was not until after the Revolution of 1911 that people with lofty ideals wrote articles to expose the hypocrisy and cruelty of feudal morality and advocated widow remarriage (see chastity). The Republic of China and the Soviet area have enacted laws to protect women's rights and interests.
The Marriage Law was promulgated after the founding of the People's Republic of China, which is the legal basis for women's autonomy in marriage. The feudal custom of widowhood was gradually banned.
"The records of female widowhood in the epitaph of the Tang Dynasty can be roughly divided into the following situations: widowhood shortly after marriage; Married/kloc-more than 0/0 years (about 30 years old), widowed when the child is still young; 40-50 years old middle-aged widowed, 40-50 years old widowed. " Only 10 women remarried in the Epitaph Collection of Tang Dynasty and more than 3,000 epitaphs, and 264 women clearly recorded their chastity. It can be seen that there were quite a few widowed women in the Tang Dynasty, and this historical fact cannot be ignored!
Through the analysis of the cases recorded in the epitaph, it is found that not all the husbands of these women died young, on the contrary, most of them died of natural causes. An important reason for young women's widowhood is that "husbands are generally much older than wives", forming a marriage model of old wives and few wives. Under the mode of "the old man has fewer wives", young women will keep an asset, raise children and make a living after their husbands die.
Women of different ages have different attitudes towards widowhood, so it is difficult to generalize. Although the epitaph tries to describe the widow's sadness, one thing is certain, that is, the widow will "abandon her personnel" from now on, face the sky, lead a clean life and live the rest of her life in peace. After widowhood, widows should not only stick to their chastity, but also perform their duties as mothers, raise orphans and be so-called "mother-in-law", which was also the requirement of society at that time.
For abstinence, conversion to Buddhism is the same choice for most widowed women. Women keep their boudoir empty at a young age and bear the double pressure of life and spirit. They have to raise children, serve their in-laws, do housework and endure long loneliness. In this state, the void world of Buddhism has become its spiritual sustenance.
Letter of appointment: Letter of appointment is a formal engagement between men and women; Najib (for writing).
Gift book: Gift book is a list of gifts, which lists the types and quantities of gifts in detail; Use it when receiving gifts.
Marriage book: that is, the book to marry the bride. On the wedding day (personally welcoming the bride), when picking up the bride.
"Accepting talents" is the first of the six rites. "Book of Rites. Faint righteousness "day:" Those who receive it are called choosing gifts, so they are stunned and receive geese. " Qin Dynasty explained: "If you want to marry him, you must first make the media understand his words, and the woman's permission is a gift for people to accept his choice." It means that the man proposes to the woman and the matchmaker conveys it. After the woman's family agrees, she will accept the bride price from the man's family. Use "goose" as a gift.
"The Book of Rites" "Faint Rites Six, Five Rites Use Goose, and it is also right to accept, ask the name, accept the discipline, invite the date and welcome people." Why use "wild goose"? The author of "Etiquette Mistakes" thinks that "those who take geese as baskets should take them as a friend of Yin and Yang."
"White tiger pass. "Marriage" said: "Those who use wild geese should always take them from north to south without losing their festivals, even if they don't take away women. Fly in and out. The wedding ceremony in the Ming Dynasty was orderly and not overstepped. In addition, there is no need to die in the wedding ceremony, so use geese. "
Peng Dayi's "White Goose in the North of the Mountain, Late Autumn is an Examination Hall" says: "Poetry in ancient and modern times": Come, come first, frost is called frost letter.
Lang Ying's "Seven Revisions of the Draft" holds that "Goose, the book only tells you when you know birds. Lines have priority. So stick to it and accept it. "
In addition, the book Yiwen Collection also explains the reasons for using geese from other angles: "Goose is waiting for yin and yang, waiting for time, winter is south, summer is north, so it has a place to live."
There are two kinds of names, one is the naming of names, that is, the name given to the woman when she was born in March. The second is the name, that is, the name. As for the man's name, he was told when he was recruiting, so he only asked the woman's name, not the man. Name-asking ceremony or goose. The order of the ceremony is "guest's words, what's your name, the host allows, the guests enter and are awarded, just like the first ceremony".
"Naji" and "Zheng Na", these two ceremonies are often performed together. This is the main procedure of engagement, which Ningbo people call "Wen Ding" and Ninghai people call "Ding Ding", that is, men usually give their betrothal money to their wives in kind and cash. The custom in Ningbo is that according to the age of the woman, one year old carries a load of old wine, 16 years old 16 tons of wine. About 48 silver dollars. In some places, it is also calculated by rice, and the value of a load of rice a year is similar to that of old wine. In this ceremony, both sides draw golden calligraphy posts in red and green, also known as "Dragon and Phoenix Calligraphy Posts". What is written on the post is some auspicious words, but there is a certain formula. Men write "Yang Li Fan Hu, Qin Jiu Si De, Qian Jin Yi Nuo, Guang Sheng Peng Bi"; The woman replied: "One is lucky, three students are in harmony, seven are extremely ashamed, and nine are festive." "This is a ceremony to invite an auspicious day to welcome the bride."
That is, the cloud "etiquette" in the modern sense. "Confucians faint ceremony" said, "Please use the goose, the host says goodbye, and the guests announce the date, such as a reward. "After the man's family decided to get married on an auspicious day by praying to God, he sent someone to tell the woman's family and ask her for advice. Kissing is the last procedure of the Six Rites, that is, the groom personally goes to the woman's house to marry the bride.
Welcome has two meanings: one is to show the inheritance of matriarchal customs after the transformation from monogamy to husband power system. The man personally went to the woman's house to pick up the bride, showing respect for her. But it also contains the fact that the marriage system of concubinage is irreversible, which shows the strong desire of men for concubinage.
In the pre-Qin era, people attached great importance to welcoming relatives, and they held this ceremony many times from Tian Zi to Shu Ren. Wen Ding Jue Xiang, personally welcome Yu Wei. "This is a good sign for Zhou Wenwang. When he gets married, he will see Taisi by the Weihe River. " Han Hou greeted him. He was in the middle of the road, with a hundred Pumbaas and eight dragons. "This is the grand occasion for the princes to welcome each other. On the other hand, if you get married without a wedding, it is considered impolite and will be laughed at by the world.
Therefore, Ban Gu said that Confucius' Spring and Autumn Annals had both praise and disparagement, and "I don't kiss or welcome". At that time, kissing and welcoming were regarded as the basic basis for whether the relationship between husband and wife was completely established. If a woman's husband dies before meeting her, she can remarry. But once the husband dies after the wedding ceremony, according to etiquette, the bride can only accept her fate.
The completion of the six rites only means the completion of the adult ceremony, and the "visiting aunt" must be completed the next day, that is, the adult ceremony; If the in-laws are deceased, they will visit them in the temple after March, which is called "See you at the temple fair".
Six rites began in slave society. Although the marriage procedure in feudal society changed several times, it basically did not break away from the scope of the six rites, and the Tang law and the Ming law also had similar provisions. This kind of marriage procedure is a unique custom and traditional culture of the Chinese nation. The age of marriage in ancient times was different from dynasty to dynasty.
In the Spring and Autumn Period, men can get married at 20 crowns, while women 16. He also said that "men marry at 30 and women marry at 20" so as not to delay time. It is clearly recorded in "Han Hui Di Ji": "Women who are over 15 to 30 years old and do not marry, five counts." "Five calculations" is to punish her for paying five times the tax. In fact, the phenomenon of early marriage in ancient China was also very serious. In the Song Dynasty, it was stipulated that "every 65,438 +05 for men and 65,438 +03 for women were married".
Ban Zhao Biography of the Later Han Dynasty records that Ban Zhao was "four years old, holding a dustpan and broom in Cao Shi". In the Biography of Shangguan Empress, there is even a record of "being a queen one month later, only six years old". But they are usually around 20 years old.
In ancient times, men went to a woman's house to visit their wives, all at night. "In the Soul of Li Yi's Poems" said: "The faint ceremony is issued." Zheng Xuan noted: "The ceremony of a gentleman marrying a wife lasts for a period of time, so it is famous. Yang goes to Yin, and faints into the three businesses of Japan. " Moreover, "the master is a knight, a petticoat and a donkey, and his entourage is Bi. He takes two rides from the ink cart and holds a candle in front of the horse." In other words, people who marry each other wear black, and horses and chariots also use black. This custom is very different from the wedding custom of marrying the bride and wearing red clothes during the day in later generations.
Since the Tang dynasty, the time for welcoming relatives has been changed to morning. According to Tang Duan Shicheng's "Youyang Miscellany", it is recorded: "Courtesy, marriage will be faint, and the yang will go and the yin will come. Today, I pay tribute to Xiao Yu. " Dawn comes. Since then, it has been with you.
In ancient times, the attitude of the new bride was also very particular. According to "Lu's Spring and Autumn Annals", "When Keiko came out, he told people:' People have a new wife, and the woman is here, so it is appropriate to be safe and respectful. "The so-called" cherish cigarettes as gold ",the merchant pointed out:" Cherish cigarettes as gold and describe the bride's state, which can be described as exquisite. However, it is understandable but difficult to explain. Those who are safe and calm; Proud people are cautious; Smokers, eye wave flow is not straight; Charm the walker, no longer shy to retreat, gentle and charming. That is, all brides are just getting started, but if they are, they lose their identity. "
When they got married in the Han Dynasty, they all set up tents with green curtains and held sacrificial ceremonies. The article Shi Shuo Xin Yu Fallacy records: "When Wei Wu was young, he once competed with Yuan Shao to be a ranger. Seeing that people are married, they sneak into the host's garden and cry at night:' There is a thief!' Everyone in Lu Qing is gone. Wei Wu came in and pulled out a knife to rob the bride. "This custom of getting married in Lu Qing continued until the Qing Dynasty, and it was also mentioned in Pu Songling's Strange Tales from a Lonely Studio.
According to historical records, in the Han Dynasty, there was a custom of celebrating the wedding and listening to the house on the wedding night. According to "Han Xuan Di Ji", "Five Phoenix wrote in two years:' The ceremony of husband's marriage is also the greatest favor. Wine and food, so the salute is also fun. There are two thousand stones in this county or township, and intermarriage is forbidden. It is forbidden to celebrate with wine and food, because it is a ceremony that wastes hard work and makes the people unhappy, so it is not a guide for the people. The imperial edict of Emperor Gaozu Xuan Di was to encourage people to hold banquets at weddings.
According to the biography of Han Wei Yuan's wife, after the couple entered the bridal chamber, they were whispering:
Wei Xiao said, "My brother raised it first, and everyone laughed. Why don't you go first when your sister is not feeling well? " Yes, I said, "My sister's noble behavior is unusual, and she has not been well received. She is not contemptuous, but she did it. " He asked again, "Mr. Nanjun learned the poor way, and his style of writing is the ancestor of ci." What's wrong with his position? " He said: "The Great Sage of Confucius is bound to be destroyed by Wu Shu; Lutz is wise, and Liao Bo. Jia Jun got this, which is suitable for him. " Wei Xiao can't keep silent. The listener outside the account is ashamed. It can be proved that there was a custom of listening to rooms in Han Dynasty.
In addition, there is a custom in ancient marriage customs that is different from later generations, that is, ancient women are not afraid of remarriage, from the Zhou Dynasty to the Northern Song Dynasty. According to Li Tan Gong, after the death of Confucius' son, "his wife married Wei" added: "Zisi's mother died in Wei, and Zisi cried in the temple. The master came and said,' What's the point of crying in the Confucius Temple after the Shu family's mother died?' Zisi said,' I passed! "I passed," but cried in his room. "It can be seen that the son-in-law of the descendants of saints is also inevitable to remarry. Wei, Jin, Tang and Song Dynasties, the daughter of a famous family remarried.
"The History of the Three Kingdoms, Wu Zhi and his wife's biography" records: Mrs. Bu "gave birth to two daughters, long called Lu Ban, with the word" Great Tiger ",which was preceded by Zhou and followed by Quan Cong; Less called Lu Yu, the word Xiaohu, with Zhu Ju in front and Liu Bian behind. " Shang He Bing's Textual Research on Social Customs in Past Dynasties quoted Essays with the Garden as saying: "The princess in the Tang Dynasty remarried twenty-three, three married four." And at that time, whether the ex-husband saw the ex-husband or the latter saw the ex-husband, there was no need to avoid it.
After Lu You, a poet in the Song Dynasty, divorced his ex-wife Tang Wan, she once went to Shenyuan and met Tang Wan and her later husband Zhao Shicheng. Tang and Ye Zhao gave Lu You food and drink. As a result, Lu You was moved and wrote an article "Hairpin Phoenix" on the wall on the spot. (See Miscellaneous Knowledge for details. It can be seen that it is normal for women to remarry in the Tang and Song Dynasties. It was not until the Ming and Qing dynasties that women remarried, and the ethics did not allow it, so there was the saying of chastity archway.