If you think about the reasons, your thinking will be coherent —— Taking the topic of the composition "The Lowest Position and Greatness" as an example

Yuntao Xia

Original title reproduction

Read the following article and write a composition as required:

A young man looked at the distance by the sea and suddenly said with emotion to a fisherman beside him, "The sea is so vast that it nourishes many creatures!" " The fisherman said, "Do you know why the sea is so big?" Young people dare not answer rashly. The fisherman went on to say, "The sea can hold so much water because it is the lowest place."

What do you think after reading this story? Set your own angle, make your own ideas and write articles. The number of words is not less than 800 words, and the style is not limited.

Title deduction

"The lowest position" and "greatness" are the key words of this topic, and what we should think about is the relationship between the lowest position and greatness. We need to find out why the lowest position can create greatness. From the material point of view, what does the greatness of the sea mean, that is, "It nourishes many creatures ..." There is so much water. Then, if it is related to our life, we should think about why many people who are in a low position in material, posture and spirit can make so many contributions ... At the same time, we should explain the so-called greatness according to our own examples, so that the people and things we are talking about can also be called greatness in a sense, and it is related to the meaning of "greatness" implied in the composition topic. Otherwise, the material of this composition will be too narrow, and it will be difficult for students to speak freely.

This is actually a topic composition of Dao Touch. We can start from the story itself, or explain the connotation of the story, or make a deeper truth; But these contents should be based on a clear understanding of the relationship between "lowest position" and "greatness". As mentioned earlier, "finding the reason" is the best way to start thinking in this exercise.

Philosophical stories already contain profound truths. If we want to go deeper, we need students to be good at asking questions about the truth revealed in the story. Asking questions is very important. Most students' compositions will have some words that don't convey their meaning and ideas are incoherent. However, students and teachers may be unable to make reasonable changes. Over time, they will form bad habits. Once the habit of thinking is formed, it is difficult to change. The author found that the key to improving thinking habits is to "think about every sentence you say, think about whether you have explained the reason for saying this sentence clearly, and think about the reason from one sentence to the next." All the compositions that are not fluent in sentences and unclear in thinking are because students have not explained clearly why they said a certain sentence, and have not thought that "the composition is written for others." If you want to get the favor of the marking teacher, you must easily let people see the writer's thinking process clearly. " Of course, some sentences are not well expressed because of language defects, and they should be carefully revised.

The following are two student compositions, one is successful and the other needs to be revised. Success is because the thinking process is very clear; Failure is because the development of thinking is not satisfactory, and I have not explained clearly why every idea I said can be established. After reading an excellent composition and revising another one that needs improvement, the problem becomes clear. The purpose of the revision is not to show how tall the teacher is, but to hope that students can understand the teacher's painstaking efforts, take their composition more seriously ideologically and develop better thinking habits. Maybe students can benefit for life.

Exhibition of outstanding works

Put a low profile

Yang Bo

A young man told a fisherman about the vastness of the sea. The fisherman replied that the sea can hold so much water because it is in the lowest position.

Yes, it is precisely because the sea has given itself an accurate positioning and lowered its posture that it can have a broad mind and accept all rivers.

Isn't that what we do? Keeping a low profile, that is, keeping a humble attitude, is an essential quality for us to treat people and improve ourselves. Only in this way can we get along with others better, learn from others' advantages and strengths, and constantly improve ourselves. On the contrary, if we are conceited and arrogant, we will eventually suffer.

During the Three Kingdoms period, he ignored people, but he was arrogant and didn't listen to others' advice. Finally, he fell in Maicheng and was beheaded. Fang Zhongyong, a native of Jinxi, was mediocre in talent, but he was complacent, neglected his studies and eventually "disappeared".

Therefore, blindly high posture often brings us failure and depravity. In fact, most of our pride is based on our ignorance. It's like the ears of wheat in the field. When the ears of wheat are empty and shriveled, they always grow very tall and hold their heads high; When it is full, it hangs its head.

Someone once used a circle to represent knowledge. The more knowledge you accumulate, the bigger your circle will be, and the more unknown areas you will be exposed to, so you will feel that there is so much knowledge that you have not mastered, and therefore you will be more humble.

Mei Lanfang was criticized by an old man in a performance. He took the old man home by car, humbly asked for advice and corrected him. It was his low profile that made him a master of Peking Opera. Newton, a great physicist, founded the classical mechanical system, but he always said that he was "standing on the shoulders of giants" when talking about his achievements.

Modesty is a traditional virtue, but it is getting farther and farther away from us in today's materialistic society. In today's impetuous society, the pursuit of money and fame makes people forget to lower their posture and make progress. In the end, there are people who succeed, but more are ruined.

Therefore, we call on a modest force to lower its posture and step into society. Only by always maintaining a humble attitude can we always be prepared, seize every opportunity to accept new things, learn from others' advantages and strengths to improve ourselves, and realize our mistakes and shortcomings more objectively. This is a power to change individuals, and it is also a power to change society. If we can all lower our posture and calm down the restless times, society will develop healthily without all the temptations.

If you don't climb the mountain, you don't know the height of the sky; You don't know the thickness of the land unless you are in a deep valley. Always remember: keep your posture down!

comment

Xiao Yang's composition language is sometimes not concise enough, so I made some changes. But his writing skills are good, his thinking is clear and well-founded. (writing skills) the segmentation of the article is very reasonable, which not only makes the details clear, but also makes the composition structure more distinct; He basically started writing in the order of asking questions, analyzing problems and solving problems; The middle core part, first broken and then established, positive and negative contrast; When using materials, it is also from far to near, connected with self. I appreciate the rhythm of this article and am delighted with Xiao Yang's excellent writing style.

A draft to be improved

Because ordinary and great.

Dong aoxue

A hundred rivers are full of tolerance. Facing the boundless sea, we are deeply impressed by its vastness. Streams converge into rivers and oceans. Because of its low position, seawater can hold so much water. If people want to make their limited lives more meaningful, they must move towards greatness in the ordinary.

A few sentences in the first paragraph are fairly smooth to read alone, but when put together, people feel a little confused. )

Each of us is eager to be a hero, the kind of hero who dares to do what others dare not do and dare to do what others dare not do. Save him from falling in one day, and help him to fall on the first floor, such as Yue Fei and Yu Qian. As we all know, it is rare for the times to make heroes and save the nation. For ordinary us, national peace, people and music are the most beautiful pictures. But in this age without heroes, we should become better people.

(The speech was a bit absolute at the beginning. After all, some ideas are unlikely to belong to everyone. The last sentence didn't make it clear why. How did this turning point come about? Why do you want to express it like this? If you give a reason, it makes sense. The composition is not for myself. When writing, you must have reader awareness, that is, fully consider whether others can clearly understand the idea of "I". If not, there must be no justifiable reason, so other arguments need to be added. )

He is such an ordinary "person" without extraordinary wisdom and strategy, even without fear of danger. However, when danger and life whizzed by, Wu Juping rushed to catch Niu Niu who fell from the building, resulting in multiple comminuted fractures of her left hand. The balance of motherhood leans to the right without hesitation between fear and life. Wu Juping is just an ordinary housewife. She is not taller than us, but when she grasps life and holds up the traditional virtue of being young and frivolous, it is enough for us to look up.

There is something wrong with this paragraph, which needs to be revised slightly. Which sentence in this paragraph is proof of "knowing fear"? If there are no signs and explanations of Wu Juping's "knowing fear" when talking about him, it is difficult to further prove that such a mentality can make people "know life heavy"; Therefore, although the next paragraph is divided into paragraphs, it makes the context stand out, but it leads to disconnection. The single sentence into paragraphs has not played a very good role, but it still needs to be changed. )

Only by knowing fear can we understand the weight of life. Ordinary people can know the greatness of human nature.

There are countless people who have been unknown all their lives, but this does not mean that they are mediocre. Although they have not left a monument in the hearts of the world, their names are not humane, and their deeds are annihilated with the passage of life. But those who are conscientious and diligent in their posts deserve our praise. Angels in white, a beautiful and kind person, a soldier of the People's Liberation Army in earthquake relief, and a teacher who teaches and educates people ... It is these people who silently contribute to their posts that constitute the real backbone of China and support China.

This paragraph of language is not concise enough and should be revised. However, it is closely related to the previous article, which makes the problem reflect more universal social significance. )

Today, we are complacent teenagers, often dreaming of the future, eager to show our ambitions one day and create a world of our own. The world is so big that I can come and go. Among my classmates, I believe that I am ordinary but not mediocre. Even though I lived a plain life, I made a brave choice at that difficult moment. Looking back, I can still be proud of it, without guilt or regret.

The language barrier is obvious and needs to be revised. The second half of the text is incomplete, especially the reference to "that difficult moment" is unclear, and "brave choice" is not explained. )

The rough sea is spectacular, but it may destroy families and countries. Under the calm sea, there are creatures and resources, and ordinary people with a kind and brave heart are great.

(The last paragraph ended hastily and could not be connected with the previous paragraph; The two sentences in this paragraph have no sense of hierarchy. If the words can be closely linked, anyone who reads them will feel suddenly enlightened and tightly structured, so we should expand our thinking and elaborate in detail and concisely. )

Teacher's revised draft

Because ordinary and great.

Dong aoxue

A hundred rivers are full of tolerance. The ancients in China found the reason why the sea was great. Today, the fisherman's words have given me a new understanding-streams converge into a vast sea, so the sea has become the home of thousands of streams; This is because it is the lowest position. In my opinion, this statement can open my mind. We feel the vastness of the sea, and we should cherish our limited life more; If you want to make a limited life more meaningful, you must move towards greatness in the ordinary.

When it comes to greatness, many people think of heroes and even aspire to be heroes, the kind of heroes who dare to do what others dare not do. These heroes, such as Yue Fei and Yu Qian, saved the day and fell down. As we all know, it is a rare opportunity to make heroes and save the nation. For us ordinary people, national peace, people's happiness are the normal state of life. However, in this era when heroes are hard to find, it is easy for us to settle for the status quo. Even covet enjoyment; It is also easy for us to live a mediocre life and even go astray. This truth is a little close to what the ancients said, "I can die in one moment". Because of the ordinary, we have to stick to the principle of being a man in the face of ease and temptation.

Without extraordinary wisdom and strategy, we are even afraid of danger. We are such ordinary people. However, when danger and life whizzed by, Wu Juping rushed to catch Niu Niu who fell from the building, resulting in multiple comminuted fractures of her left hand. The balance of motherhood has a tendency not to hesitate between fear and life. Wu Juping is just an ordinary housewife. She is not taller than us, but when she grasps life and holds high the traditional virtue of "being young and caring for others", it makes people look up.

Wu Juping should be able to catch the person who fell from the 10 building, and she has to pay a great replacement, so she should be more aware that ignoring it will bring her a lifetime of guilt and regret. So I think, "Only by knowing fear can we understand the weight of life". Motherhood arouses people's awe of life, which makes ordinary people like Wu Juping make desperate feats. Therefore, I dare to say, "Ordinary people will know the greatness of human nature."

There are countless people who have been unknown all their lives, but this does not mean that they are mediocre. Although they have not left a deep impression on the world, their names are not humane and their deeds are lost with the passage of life. But anyone who does his duty in his post. People who are diligent and thrifty in life deserve our praise and study. Angels in white, a skilled and kind person, a PLA soldier in earthquake relief, and a teacher who teaches and educates people ... It is these people who silently contribute to their posts that constitute every link of China's real backbone, and together * * * has created the Chinese soul.

Today, we are complacent teenagers, often dreaming of the future, eager to show our ambitions one day and create a world of our own. The world is so big that I can come and go. Among my classmates, I believe that I am ordinary but not mediocre. The past life was dull, and it may be dull in the future, so I may just be an ordinary person. However, no one's life can escape the stormy waves: because of the entanglement of emotion and study, I had a fierce ideological struggle, even despised and hated teachers, doubted and hated their suggestions; At that difficult moment, I made a brave choice. I devote myself to studying hard, which is of great significance to my life. Looking back, a bunch of roses floated away in my heart, but I had no conscience and no regrets. I am proud of this, and I realize my greatness.

The rough sea is spectacular, but it may destroy families and countries. On the road of life, we should constantly accept foreign ideas and information like the sea, but we should also learn to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages, so as not to get lost and go astray. In that case, we are still far from greatness, and greatness in any sense cannot be achieved.

Under the calm sea, there are creatures and resources, while people will have a kind heart if they lower their posture, accept excellent information and cultivate good sentiments; Then, no matter who you are, no matter where you go and no matter what you do, you can achieve greatness.

(Note: The underlined sentences were greatly revised by the teacher. )