I wrote it myself in the third grade, so add more points! ! !

1

Narrator: In 283 BC, Qin won the final victory in the gang attack and defense war, and its national strength soared. It is said that the king of Zhao killed an excellent treasure, and the kings of Cui and Qin offered to exchange cities. At the same time, 200,000 people were armed to the teeth, but the king of Zhao refused and immediately sent troops to invade Zhao. On this day, in Xianyang, the capital of Qin,

Act I Xianyang, the capital of Qin.

Minister A (excitedly coming in to tell him): Your Majesty, your Majesty, 200,000 brothers have all prepared kitchen knives. Shall we go to Zhao State to grab territory today?

King Qin (firmly): How many times have I told you that we are civilized people now, do civilized people understand? Don't grab territory and territory at every turn. We should unite the people of all ethnic groups throughout the country, focus on economic construction, adhere to the Four Cardinal Principles and hold high the great banner of socialism. So, we should do this ~ ~ (in front of everyone! Ah ~ ~ ~ An army is black, with a kitchen knife in its hand. Butchers and butchers will never kill pigs ~ ~ Good poem, good poem! ! (intoxicated)

Minister ABC (holding his head): Help! ! Your majesty has read poetry ~ ~ ~

King Qin (shaking his head): I will personally review the army.

Minister B: Your Majesty, there are 200,000 people in our army.

Qin Wang: Really? ~ ~ 200,000 people are really quite a lot. ~ (You can't see the edge at a glance) You can't see the edge at a glance ~ I'll check to see if anyone hasn't arrived. One, two, three, four ... one hundred and one, one hundred and two (sneezing) Uh ~ ~ I forgot where you counted just now ~ ~ Let's start from the beginning! One, two, three, four ... one hundred and one, one hundred and two. ...

Minister A: What did you eat this morning?

Minister C: I had a cup of Starbucks coffee this morning.

Minister B: I heard that McDonald's has a new product recently. I think it's called beef five.

Minister C: No, it seems that the five sides of beef belong to KFC.

Minister B: Nonsense, haven't you heard the advertisement of McDonald's? With KFC, life will be better. (singing)

(The King of Qin coughs twice and stops discussing)

King Qin: ...199,996,199,997,199,998,199,999.

Qin Wang: The roll call is over. I'm exhausted! Ok, we will attack Zhao now. (Looking up) Huh? How did the moon come out? Isn't it morning before roll call? Forget it, forget it, it's getting late. The meeting is over. Let's go home for dinner and wait until we attack Zhao.

Minister (Yu): Yeah ~ ~ Kentucky Fried Duck, loser, I'm coming ~ ~ ~

The end of the first act

2

Narrator: Just when everyone suspected that Qin Wang's math was taught by an English teacher or a political teacher, the military parade ended.

On the other side, in Handan, the capital of Zhao, Zhao Wangzheng and Lin Xiangru were sitting around a table, looking dignified and shaking hands. What are they doing? Oh, they are playing mahjong.

Act II Handan, the capital of Zhao State

Lin Xiangru: Six!

Wang Zhao: Ai Qing is a good card! Aha, I'm burnt!

Xiao Bing: (panting) Report-Report-Report-

Wang Zhao: Report, report, report what? Have you finished reporting?

Xiao Bing: No, there is a letter from a flying chicken!

Wang Zhao: Is there one or not?

Xiao Bing: Yes!

(Pass the chicken to retreat to Zhao Wang)

Wang Zhao (looking at it for a long time, touching his chin): Ladies and gentlemen, the king of Qin wrote that he was very satisfied with my jade and wanted to exchange it for this city. Ministers, please raise your hand if you have any ideas.

Minister A: (Raise your hand)

Wang Zhao: Say it!

Minister A: I thought the king of Qin was just trying to cheat He Shibi, so we won't pretend not to know.

Wang Zhao: No, if the King of Qin knew, he would use it as an excuse to invade Zhao immediately. What should we do?

(Minister B raises his hand)

Minister B: Just say that the pigeon had an accident halfway and fell into a second-class disability. It is being treated in our country and the letter has been lost.

Wang Zhao: What! Will the king of Qin believe it? Don't let people find an excuse to throw atomic bombs and hydrogen bombs at Zhao. You say, what should I do?

Lin Xiangru: If we don't take the treasure, the State of Qin will attack us. Do you think your life is more important or your baby is more important?

Wang Zhao: I think so. Then I'll send someone to the state of Qin with jade. Which Ai Qing can undertake the heavy responsibility of this transaction. Han Aiqing ~ you. . . ~

Minister A: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Suddenly want to take a vacation ... ..

Wang Zhao: You have used up your annual leave!

Chen: Ah, I had a heart attack. I'm going to 19 12. (escape)

Wang Zhao: Then you. . . (pointing to b)

Minister B: Ah, my mother called and said that our wild boar gave birth to a pork chop burger. I must go home and have a look. (escape)

(Lin Xiangru is sneaking around. . . )

Wang Zhao: Ai Qing, you. . .

Lin Xiangru: Me. Me. Me. . .

Wang Zhao: There will be a reward for coming back from this mission. I'll give you a villa with sea view, a QQ and a sun.

Lin Xiangru: Really?

Wang Zhao: Really?

Lin Xiangru (righteously): In this case, responsibility is something a person should and should not do, but we live in a society, and our responsibilities are different because of our different identities. I want to do my duty, do my duty and build a beautiful and harmonious society, so I am willing to share my worries for the king and die for my country.

Wang Zhao (touching Lin Xiangru): Ai Qing is really a pillar of the country. Now she has a strong sense of social responsibility like Ai Qing, regardless of the cost and return. . . . . There are fewer and fewer people who are brave and fearless, love and respect their posts, and do not embezzle and misappropriate public funds.

Wang Zhao: But, brother, what if Qin doesn't give us the city?

Lin Xiangru: Don't worry, boss. Don't say anything, just let me, a genius who combines beauty and wisdom, consult with Qin. Shake your hair and pose in a position that you think is super handsome. )

Wang Zhao: Good! Then don't be wordy. Here are gifts: bulletproof vest, leather gloves, cotton-padded clothes and trousers, leaving tomorrow! Remember! You may be the 250th (slow) person to die there.

Lin Xiangru: (Heroically) If I don't join the State of Qin, who will? The wind is rustling in Shui Han, and the strong men are gone and back! (windy) Did Big Brother turn off the hair dryer over there? The head can be broken, but the hair can't be messy! (To Wang Zhao) But, Wang Zhao, I ... . . ?

Wang Zhao: Speak your mind! While we are still alive, broken arrow, Fei Xue and Wu Ming are all dead, and we can't give them if we want to.

Lin Xiangru: (grave and serious expression) This is my last request (attention, everyone). . . . . . I want to eat a bowl of Lamian Noodles! (Everyone fainted)

Wang Zhao: Remember, taking responsibility often comes with the right to be rewarded. As long as you come back, you can have it.

three

Narrator: One day, the sun was shining and the sky was overcast. The celery in the bedroom of the king of Qin is extremely lush. . .

Qin Wang: (accompaniment) Oh, forget it, forget it, smile. I like celery best, even the bitter, astringent, sour and sweet taste is more natural! Good poem, good poem! ! (intoxicated)

Secretary ABC: Help! ! The king recited poems ~ ~ ~ (holding his head)

Minister: Your Majesty, Zhao's envoy has come to see you.

King Qin: What about the people of Zhao?

Chen: It's right outside.

Qin Wang: Is it cold outside?

Minister: It's snowing outside.

Qin Wang: Are you freezing to death?

Minister: If we don't let him in, he will really freeze to death! ! !

King Qin: OK, tell him to go to the temple.

Minister Gu: I went to the temple.

Lin Xiangru (adjusting his suit and posing): I am handsome, pure and lovely. My computer has passed Level 2, and my English has passed Level 4. Jianghu people call me Pear Flower over Begonia, nicknamed Lin Xiangru, jade-faced, black shirt and little white dragon.

Qin Wang: Don't say it's useless. Where are the things?

Lin Xiangru: (whispering) Kiss his ass first! (loudly) Your Majesty! My admiration for you is like a surging river,

Another example is the flood in the Yellow River, which is out of control. Let me express my admiration for you by singing. . .

Qin Wang: Don't talk nonsense. Where are the things?

Lin Xiangru: (singing) You are like a fire in that winter. The blazing flame lit me up. Your big eyes are bright and shining, like the brightest star in the sky. You're like that.

Qin Wang: Shut up, where is what I want! ! ! ! !

Wang Dachen: Your Majesty, you should call yourself a widow!

Qin Wang:. . . . Widowed. Widowed. . What does the widow want?

Wang Dachen: Your Majesty, it's me!

Qin Wang: You are really annoying. Go away. . . Okay, where is it?

Lin Xiangru: (takes it out and shakes it in front of the king of Qin)

Qin Wang (touching the jade and sticking it on his face): This, this, this ... Xiao Qiang and Xiao Qiang, I finally found you ~ ~ ~

Lin Xiangru+Minister ABC: (horrified): Xiao Qiang ~ ~ ~

Qin Wang (accompaniment): Untie me, the most mysterious waiting, the stars fall, the wind blows, and finally I can see Hebi, and then I shake in front of my eyes. Believe me, I promise to wait a thousand years, no matter how many winters there are, I won't let go. Heshibi is the only beautiful mythical jade that is eternal and timeless. The wall handed down from ancient times, and jade, good poem! ! (intoxicated)

Secretary ABC: Help! ! The king recited poems ~ ~ (holding his head)

Qin Wang: To tell you the truth, I accidentally lost this jade when I was a child. It grew up with me, just like my brother Can you give it back to me? I am willing to pay any price.

Lin Xiangru (moved to tears): Your experience is so touching. Since you are so sincere, I have a question. As long as you guess correctly, I will give it back to you.

Qin Wang: OK, please ask the hero a question.

Lin Xiangru: Guess how many crystals I have in my pocket? As long as you get it right, I'll give you all five in my pocket!

Qin Wang: (thinking for a long time) There is such a bright line at the foot of my bed. The waterfall hangs in front, and the white dew is frost. The so-called Iraqis are on the water side. 3.1415926i = the angle of the u/i circle is equal to half the central angle. People have two treasures, hands and brains. Hands can work and brains can think. I think, think, think, think. ...

Oh! I see, it's seven o'clock! !

Lin Xiangru (with a look of regret): It's a pity that your answer is wrong. The correct answer is five. You can't take this jade.

King Qin (pause for three seconds): Close the door and catch him! Kill him! ! ! Give me the jade! ! !

Lin Xiangru: If you are not good to me, don't blame me for being bad to you. accompany

Qin Wang: Wait a minute ~ ~ ~ Ah, this is the legendary Qingyun sword! It is said that this sword is as sharp as mud and there is no trace to be found. This is a good sword! What a good sword!

Lin Xiangru: Good sword!

Qin Wang: Of course it's a good sword!

Lin Xiangru: I'm not talking about the sword ... I'm talking about you!

(Lin Xiangru wields a sword to chase the king of Qin)

Qin Wang: Wait a minute, I'll answer the phone. Zhao Gao, you need one, wait for me at once! (Lin Xiangru: I poke, I poke, I poke) I hang up. ...

The king of Qin died painfully on the ground. Minister A and Minister C caressed the body and cried, while Minister B looked it up in the dictionary.

Minister B: (looking things up in the dictionary): Wait a minute ~ ~ ~

Lin Xiangru: What are you waiting for?

Minister B: Hero, your name is Lin Xiangru, right?

Lin Xiangru: Is there anyone with such a handsome name besides me?

Minister B: But I looked it up in the dictionary just now. It seems that Jing Ke did this knife. You seem to have come to see He Shibi off, right? Friend, you have come to the wrong place. ...

Lin Xiangru: Er ~ ~ Is that right? (after a little thought), it seems so! ! Misunderstanding, misunderstanding! ! ! Start over ~ ~ ~

Qin Wang (gets up from the ground and sits back): What a waste of my expression! !

Qin: Lin Xiangru, what are you doing here?

Lin Xiangru: Your Majesty, I'm here to discuss the deal with Shi Bi.

Qin Wang: Show me He Shibi.

Lin Xiangru: Of course. Look at the transparent luster, white material and smooth feel. Just like Lamian Noodles! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! However, there is a BUG in this jade! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Qin Wang: Perfection is not beautiful!

(Minister A shouts: Stop reading poetry, I can't stand it! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Suicide with a sword)

Qin Wang: Beauty is not perfect!

(Minister B shouts: Stop reading poetry, I can't stand it! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Suicide with a sword)

Qin Wang: Beauty is deformity, deformity is beauty!

(Minister C shouts: Stop reading poetry, I can't stand it! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Suicide with a sword)

Lin Xiangru: What a poem!

Qin Wang: Do you like it too? !

Lin Xiangru: I like it very much. My younger brother also improvised a poem: "Go to Jiangxi River, enter the ocean, and never return!"

Qin Wang: bosom friend, bosom friend!

Lin Xiangru: A bosom friend!

Qin Wang: You and I are bosom friends! So I don't want this jade, you go home! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

end

Narrator: In this way, Lin Xiangru returned to Zhao, and there was such a well-known story.

Return to Zhao intact! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !